Quarter Life Crisis

You all suck

2008-05-08T18:02:00.003-05:00

WTF where are you all? I check out our blog often. If you see how much I'm blogging then you know how much I'm on here checking if you all posted. You're all slackers!

Anyway, I tried out this new product for women... I highly recommend it.

The Diva Cup

You won't regret it.

Seriously Depressed

2008-04-02T00:19:00.002-05:00

For weeks now I've been pushing away the thought that I might be seriously depressed. I thought I was just unhappy with my marriage, or that I was going through an identity crisis while adjusting to being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom)... OR that I was overly stressed due to all the stuff that is going on with us moving. I finally let it sink in tonight I'm very depressed. I keep fighting with hubby. I keep talking about quitting school (I have 4 classes left after this current one). I keep thinking everyone hates me and is thinking the worst of me. I want to quit everything. Absolutely everything. I want to run away and go in to hiding. Make people think I died so they won't come looking for me. (I got this idea from Into the Wild, which BTW I think you should all see, especially if you've ever wanted to be a hippy or traveling vagabond)

So this is how I feel:
confused
out of control
foggy
hopeless
angry
tired... but then i cant sleep
uninterested in the usual, but incredibly interested in random subjects for all of 5 minutes (totally ADD here)
can't focus
I want to shop. A lot. I want to buy things and come up with new things to buy every day. All in an attempt to find something to distract myself from whatever it is I didn't know I needed distracting from.

Okay so I hope I didn't scare anyone off.

I am calling the doctor tomorrow. I told Zeke I want drugs. I am desperate to feel better. He thinks I should talk to someone. I told him, I don't need to talk to someone cause it's not like I need therapy. I just want the foggy, confusion crap to go away. It's not like I went through something traumatic and need help getting over it. I just want drugs. Gimme drugs.

It's funny I used to be against drugs for myself (mood enhancers er w/e they're called). I always thought I could work through whatever it is but I am so desperate right now to feel better that I completely changed my personal morals. GIVE ME DRUGS. NOW.

Hello my long lost peeps...

2008-04-01T22:48:00.002-05:00

So... for those that haven't made it into the loop yet... I have a girlfriend. She is gorgeous and amazing :) and lives far away :(

I just got back from spending Spring Break with her and I miss her so much. Ah! It sucks. But at the same time, I am so totally in love and she makes me smile all the time.

That's the news... I have 43 days until I am finished with my second year of law school. It blows. Nobody should go to law school, unless I start my own law school.

By the way, did you see there is a TV show called quarter life crisis? They are totally copying us. If I studied more, I might know what we can do about that.

Whaaat

2008-03-19T10:57:00.002-05:00

Why am I calling people? Do you miss your Kashitie (Rachel calls me that)

Check out how freakin cute this is:

I don't know why the pics are running in to the tables at right but if you want to see the full photos, here are the links:

http://media3.dropshots.com/photos/401860/20080314/163533.jpg
http://media4.dropshots.com/photos/401860/20080314/163621.jpg

I'm Back ...and here's the update!

2008-03-13T00:32:00.002-05:00

WOW!!! It's been a few crazy months!!! It's so good to be back on American soil with my Gucci slippers instead of desert colored combat boots. I realize I haven't posted on here in such a long time, but I thought since I was back I'd share my sporadic grammar tactics and horrible arrangement of thought with the rest of the world. First of all, it's really good to be back. I've been deployed before, but never to such a horrible and desolate place. I lost 10 pounds walking the quarter of mile it took to get to the bathroom. I missed everyone here.... kasie you need to call me and Heather if I don't hear from you within 10 days you're in TROUBLE!!!! You may not care, but what I learned from the desert is as follows:

1. Don't brush your teeth in the shower. Once you drop it it's a goner... You have no idea what people do in there......!!!

2. Just because you like a particular food in the U.S. doesn't mean you're going to like it in a foreign country. Sorry TCNs (Third Country Nationals) that did not taste like peach cobbler.

3. After having our 2 or 3 (depending on the day) alcoholic beverages I had to pee at least 3 times before bed. Nothing funny here, I just had to because i have a small bladder and the bathrooms were so damm far away.

Love you all and hope to see you all soon!

I keep meaning to check here

2008-03-03T23:37:00.002-05:00

My entire post disappeared waaaa!

I just wanted to say hi. I'm really busy lately. Check out personal blog to see what is going on.

Back Again with another random post...

2008-02-29T21:58:00.002-05:00

So I suck at consistently posting. I admit it.

But sporadically posting is better than no posting at all, I think.

I'm here on my couch. I had my 3rd wisdom tooth pulled yesterday. It was really bad pain. The worst ever. I guess it was because this tooth was impacted, under the gum. I got it taken out at the VA.

I feel so lucky to be able to use the VA healthcare, but I get mad that I don't have dental coverage. They won't see me unless it is a dental emergency, and then I have to pay out of pocket. On Wednesday, it was an emergency. The pain had been gradually increasing until it kept me up at night.

They got me into a surgery appointment the next day - see? the VA is awesome. Now I am all doped up on vicodine. I missed my ex-study group reunion tonight because of it. I'm really sad I had to miss because I don't have many friends up here. My study group from first year were a great group of people (despite being law students). I miss seeing them all the time.

I miss my real friends a lot. I miss Kasie and Shannon from this blog. I miss talking to Shaun too. I don't even know if he is back from deployment. I miss talking to Emery, we are both so busy. I hate anyone feeling guilty for not keeping in touch better, too. If we don't keep in touch, we have normal human reasons for it. I am totally forgiving of it, because I haven't been good at keeping in touch either.

I also saw my psychiatrist on Wednesday because I thought I'd been really depressed. I thought it was a symptom of quitting smoking. (I quit smoking 2 months ago today, HOORAY!)

But the doc disagreed. She said that I am having anxiety problems, not depression. And it wasn't from quitting smoking, it is from the massive loads of work I have taken on this semester. Makes sense, I guess.

I haven't tried the new anxiety meds yet, on account of my vicodin.

I feel like staying mentally healthy is an everyday struggle. Law school works against mental health in general, I think.

Bad Habits

2008-01-25T12:30:00.000-05:00

I was listening to the song "Bad Habits" by My Favorite Highway, and it led me to the realization that there are a lot of people who share my bad habits. For example, my habit of entering into something with a 100 percent commitment to making it successful, and then letting other activities interfere with seeing it through to the end. I overheard a guy say "It's not the strong and intelligent who win the race; it's the people who finish." I applied it to my own life, and recognized how it applied. It made me see how I don't really commit to a project. I'll use this blog as an example...I started off joining this small blog group with the hope of reconnecting with old friends, and sharing in their experiences. As time went on, I used events in my life (such as work-related activities and family drama) as an excuse to not write anything. I was always too tired, too busy, or in too dark of a mood to share. But this is supposed to be a journal of sorts, and I haven't been writing. I can relate this blog to other aspects of my life, and am able to see other projects I've started strongly, only to let others finish. I guess I'm flawed in that way, and realize now that this is an area I need to work on. Does that mean that this blog will survive? No. I think we all realize this is a community effort, and so it takes the entire community to make it successful. I do, however, thank those who made the effort to the end to keep it alive (Kasie and Heather), and will use that as a reminder to keep myself committed to the work I start.

Until the end (bitter or wonderful),
Shannon

Movie!

2007-12-27T21:03:00.000-05:00

Watched a movie called Once. It's simple and good, independent. Heather I thought of you when I saw this. The director described it as a modern day musical but it's not really like a musical. They sing a lot in it but it's not like singing and dancing around, etc. It's about a two musicians whose lives cross and how their lives change.

Long Time No Posty

2007-12-09T01:01:00.000-05:00

Hey long time no posty for me.

So, I noticed no one is posting in here but ya me neither so no biggie. I just wanted to say hello and update. Lots going on here. I'm still working, doing school, trying to get ready for baby, trying to keep up with house and marriage, Zeke's soccer and his one million friends inviting us out every weekend (really only one or two friends but it's EVERY WEEKEND), oh and a mommy forum I decided to help moderate. We're pretty much ready for the baby as far as feeding and clothing goes. We're still waiting on Zeke's re enlistment bonus. It is now two months behind, so unfortunately I am still working cause we can't afford for me to stop. Congress needs to get their ass in gear.... 35 weeks, I'm exhausted. I can't keep up with anything anymore. I don't even answer my emails. My messenger services, I don't even sign on anymore. Funny how tired a baby can make you.

I get a 60 day school vacation starting Dec 25. Hopefully we'll have Zeke's bonus by then so I can stop working voluntarily. Work already cut my hours back cause I just couldn't make it in on time. It was nice of them, I get two more hours of sleep now.

So what is everyone up to? I know you are all busy so get back to me when u can.

Stale

2007-11-11T07:34:00.000-05:00

I've noticed the activity on this blog has considerably slowed...but why? Are we all so busy we can't even write one paragraph about what's going on in our lives? Take me for example: I'm trying to learn three jobs at once, and feeling inadequate in all but one. I don't think I should be the Unit Deployment Manager because I seriously lack experience in that area (not to mention the fact that there is a separate AFSC for the actual job). But, I'm learning how to be flexible, and how to embrace a job that seems too big for me. I'm lucky enough to have coworkers who are willing to help me out, so why do I feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew in a job I never would have eaten, so to speak. At the same time, I love the challenge--to learn something totally outside my regular job description, and experience something I normally would not encounter.
I'm getting off-subject here; I'm not so busy I can't write about my experiences. I am so mentally overwhelmed that I don't write about it. The truth is that I hate the feeling of not knowing what I'm doing, and I don't want to write about it. So I've been ignoring it in hopes that someone else will share a part of their life so I can ignore my own. But that's not happening, so I'm going to share. Encountering a part of life where you are the student instead of the teacher is rough, especially considering I've dedicated seven years of my life to this so-called job. People have high expectations for me, and I'm not entirely sure I can meet those expectations--but I'm going to try. I don't like facing my own weaknesses, but it's a part of life. God forbid I grow up and learn to be flexible. Oh, look--kittens...

Happy Belated Halloween!

2007-11-01T11:38:00.000-05:00

I was supposed to have dinner with friends in Manhattan. So I took the train and made the trek out there, only to realize that the restaurant was right in the middle of New York's famous Halloween parade in the village. I couldn't get across the street to the restaurant. I had to walk and walk until finally I could get across. People were acting nuts though. One guy was dressed as a convict, and he really looked like he had just gotten out of prison. Some of the costumes were good... Most of them were total crap.

It's funny how they show halloween on movies... because everyone on TV always wears really great costumes

Tough News

2007-10-29T09:10:00.000-05:00

I wasn't sure how to title this particular blog, or even how to write about it. I overheard a coworker of mine talking today about the death of his daughter's friend. To be honest, she didn't just die; she was killed by her father. She was also five years old. From what I heard, her father is a Marine who suffers from Post Traumatic Stress, and he snapped because she pooped in her pants. I don't know if I believe the PTSD deal with this guy; the few individuals I know who have been diagnosed with it are usually affected by loud noises and surprises--not defecation.
I won't go into detail about how he killed her, and I don't know really what else to say here. I just don't know about people sometimes.

Not everybody is workin' for the weekend

2007-10-24T04:16:00.000-05:00

Some of us work on the weekend. I was called in to work on Saturday and Sunday. I didn't mind; we were having a base exercise (no big deal) and I knew I would be called in. However, when I left work on Sunday (at about 4pm) I didn't expect to go back to work until 6am the following day. So when I received a call at about 1am Monday morning, I was a little confused. I had just started to fall asleep, and the interruption was kind of aggravating. Fortunately, it was just a coworker asking a question, so no big deal. Then an hour later, I get a call to go into work because I need to be there since apparently I'm the only one who can handle this part of the exercise. I get into work at 3am, and don't leave until 3pm.
I spent all of that time at work to basically just supervise and run damage-control, which is odd because I'm one of the most inexperienced and lowest ranking members in my squadron.
I don't mind putting in extra hours WHEN IT IS NECESSARY TO GET THE JOB DONE. I do mind being forced to spend time doing a job anyone else who is currently at work could do. I like working, I like responsibility, but I don't like sitting at work in a sleepless-induced daze just because someone thought I should be there. Thankfully, I got some studying done; otherwise, Monday was just a wasted day.

Yep, It's Dead

2007-10-21T05:36:00.000-05:00

Don't worry about the title--I'm just talking about two of my toenails. My second toes (the toes next to the big toes) are the longest toes I have. Some people believe this is a sign of leadership, but for me it is just an inconvenience. Let me tell you why...
I like to run. Actually, I hate running, but I like the way I feel afterward. This is especially true for when I do sprints. However, my second toes don't like sprints; the action of running on the balls of my feet forces my toes to the front of the shoe. In turn, this causes my second toes' nails to eventually turn black and fall off. It's gross, I know, and I'm sorry. But imagine how I feel watching my toenails turn black and die. A part of my body is actually turning an unhealthy color and falling off. I don't like it--it's just wrong!
So I'm going to try another form of interval training in hopes this will take the load of my feet. Sprinting is still the best work I can get to improve my overall run time, but my toes need a break.

Sorry for lapsing with the posts...

2007-10-19T13:24:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone!

Sorry it has been awhile since I have been on here. I get all caught up in the day to day and then I find out it has been a month since I have posted anything.

I started my second year of law school. It is just as much work as last year, but the professors aren't as mean. The subjects are a little more interesting too. I also am writing an article for independent study credit. I'm the co-president of the gay group at school. I think I have taken on too much at school. I have been feeling really overwhelmed this past week at school. I haven't read for any of my classes and I am really behind.

The student group thing is fun mostly. Although there is a board game night tonight and this one girl expects a ride. It's kind of annoying that I have to give people rides. I hate that. I don't have money to run everyone all over creation. And, the board game thing is going to be in Brooklyn. That is like an hour and a half away from home for me already. So that will be 2 hours driving there and 2 hours back home if I give out rides. It's a little ridiculous.

I also have to pick something up at the FedEx. It's a package of materials for an event i organized on Monday. They left a note that said pick up after 6pm. But I have to leave at 5:45pm to go to the board game thing. I guess I will call and see if I can pick it up tomorrow.

I am also a student ambassador. So I have to trek into Manhattan tomorrow to this law school forum. I have to wear a suit and tell people how awesome my school is (even though it isn't). And the silliest part of the story is that I volunteered to do all this. I get excited about doing things and then I don't realistically think about how much time it takes and how much time I need for other things.

So with all the things I have to do... I've decided the best thing to do is to watch a movie and write on the blog.

:)

I'm watching Dr. Zhivago.

So I've been feeling some anxiety this week about my obligations. I guess that is normal since I have taken on too many projects. It is very taxing though. I think my new motto should be "no way, haven't got time." That is what I will keep in mind next week.

I have to catch up on my reading for class.

Beach day with the dogs

2007-10-13T21:45:00.001-05:00

I volunteer at an animal shelter every Saturday, and am fortunate to have a supervisor who volunteers with me. It's odd calling it an animal shelter since it is mostly made up of dogs who are abandoned by owners who either don't want to PCS with the dogs or find it too inconvenient to spend the time to train these dogs. They are all good pups, but some do need some training. I have two favorites who are kennel mates, and they love water. My supervisor and I take them on a path where there is almost always a puddle for them to play in, and of course they gravitate to those puddles. I'm trying to coordinate a day where I can get a couple of volunteers to take a few (or all) of the dogs to an animal-friendly beach for some fun in the sun. These dogs desperately need a good home, and it kills me to think that they won't get it because most of them are over a year old. I love puppies, but these dogs are still young and need to know someone cares about them. Some of them are scheduled to be flown back to the states to a no-kill shelter so their chances of being adopted are better. Unfortunately, being a non-profit organization means they always need donations. I wish more people were willing to donate some time, money, or even a bag of dog food.

Where ya been?

2007-10-08T19:37:00.000-05:00

I feel like I haven't been on here in SOOOO long but it's only been about 9 days. What, you guys think it's okay to have a life and not check in too? :D

Um, I am about to go update my personal blog. If ya'll err interested, hop on over and check it out.

Hope you are all doing well! We need some updates.

Where's my kitty?

2007-09-30T21:35:00.000-05:00

I am horribly depressed right now. My cat is missing. I feel empty. I am so worried about her and feel responsible for not looking for her earlier. She's been gone three days now and I just started looking for her today. It's been three days and I have not seen her. I don't know if being hormonal has anything to do with how sad I feel but I don't think so. I always told Zeke if she went missing I'd be devastated and here I am, crying like a baby cause I can't stop thinking about it. You'd think she were a human being by looking at how upset I am.

Our dog went missing last week but that was because someone let him out. Truthfully, I hated that dog so I am not sad about him. I did worry he was hurt at first but I think someone would have taken him in if they found him. That is fine with me cause he annoyed me! But the cat is a different story. She's been my baby for three years. I am just kind of frozen.

Hope I don't sound too insane.

A Pattern

2007-09-23T06:24:00.000-05:00

Tell me what you think--if you go out on one date with a guy, does that mean you're dating him? To me, the answer is no. Now if later on you have the "just friends" conversation with this same guy TWICE, and then find out he was telling people at work you two were dating, what do you do? Because this is the where I find myself at present.

This isn't the first time this has happened to me; it's the third time, actually. In my head, there is a difference between one date and dating. Maybe I give guys the wrong impression, but then again I think the "just friends" talk combined with the complete lack of physical interaction and interest backs me up. To quote Kasie, what do you guys think?

Sorry been MIA

2007-09-14T06:42:00.000-05:00

Hey, just wanted to say I've been kind of busy. I've been really emotional lately and stressed out so I don't really have much to say in here. Work, school, housework, sleep. That's my life right now. Lo siento.

What do you guys think?

2007-09-05T19:13:00.000-05:00

I posted this somewhere else originally but I am desperate. What do you think? DH stands for Zeke. Well it stands for darling husband but just think DH is his name and it will flow easy.

I need advice...

DH made a friend at work, I will call him Jerk. We (Jerk and his wife and DH and I) have hung out outside of work and truthfully I have fun with his wife but Jerk gets on my friggin nerves. He throws tantrums and brag-brag-brags about everything. He just does not stop talking about himself and what he bought today or how cool he is and on and on. It's annoying. I want to punch him in the face every time he opens his mouth. So Jerk was recently promoted and is now DH's boss. He is treating DH horribly. Jerk is also treating other people really bad and every day DH comes home with another story about how crappy this guy is acting. He has an authoritarian management style (think dictator) and he is just a big fat JERK! I hate his guts. I really truly hate him. I was brought up to not use the word "hate "unless I was serious so there it is. I mean it!

I told DH I don't want to hang out with Jerk anymore. I am done. I don't like him. But DH is determined to not get on his bad side so every time this guy invites us over, DH kisses this guy's but and says yes! Last time he called (Labor Day) I was making no-motions in the background, waving my arms, shaking my head, then yelled at DH after he got off the phone to stop being nice to him. I am over hanging out with this guy. We ended up going over there anyway. DH and I were getting ready to sit down to dinner, ribs, potato salad etc and ended up bringing our food over and sharing with this A-hole. (I am still mad about it. Those were my ribs!)

Today DH came home and told me a story about how "JERK" wouldn't let some guy go home early today to escort his wife to her ultrasound appointment. OMG I am so livid! DH is making me feel like I've lost my mind. He keeps telling me to stop worrying about the dumb guy at work but he keeps coming home and telling me more stories. I don't know what to do. I've told DH I don't want to hang out with him. I make up excuses all the time but it's not working. I am tempted to tell his wife "I am so sorry to tell you but I absolutely hate your husband" just so we don't have to go over there anymore. I have to hold my tongue whenever we are at their house cause this guy brags about what an ** he is to people, like that's something to brag about? Wow have I mentioned I hate him?

The advice I need is what the heck do I do? I want DH to be happy but hanging out with this guy goes against my own principles. This guy is the exact opposite of what I think a human being should be and it is just WRONG for me to continue associating with him. It's like I continue having problems or DH starts having problems. I can't find a happy compromise.

It's a...

2007-08-29T19:59:00.000-05:00

Read my blog to find out the baby's sex :)

Movie Reviews

2007-08-25T19:07:00.000-05:00

This is not a review but is on the review subject. I was interested in looking for a forum designed specifically for people to review what they thought about movies. I thought it would be fun for us. The only thing I've found so far is IMDB and Black's Forums. http://www.mrblacksreviews.com/forums/ I joined Black's Forums.

We are going to watch Shooter. Hopefully it's better than Babel.

Later on ...

Shooter was alright. Not something I would tell everyone "hey you have to see this movie." I figured it was going to be that way. The story was a been-there-done-that type. Mark Wahlberg is the main character. He used to be a sniper for the military, marines I think. In the beginning, his partner/buddy gets killed. Three years later someone approaches him for another job and tells him a story about why they are looking for someone like him. blah blah to make a long story short, he is framed for attempted murder on the president. The rest of the story is spent chasing Mr. Wahlberg, and Mr. Wahlberg chasing the guys who framed him. Total man movie. Made me want to beat my chest a few times. Only nice part was getting to stare at a hot guy the entire movie. There is a hot girl in there too. :D She's gorgeous and I don't know her name cause she isn't Julia Roberts-famous. But she is familiar, I've seen her before.

Testing this thing out

2007-08-22T19:18:00.001-05:00

So I decided to look through the group blog settings and noticed it gives the option to post via email. Here I am testing it out. Hope it works.

Does anyone mind if I play with the background again? I am kind of tired with the stripes and thought something different may inspire us a little more.

I have updated my own blog. I hope you get a chance to read. It doesn’t look like anyone looks at it. I’m not too sad about it because I don’t want to advertise my business to just anyone but I do sort of feel lonely out there in cyber space.

Okay getting ready to post. ::holding breath::

Movie

2007-08-22T04:25:00.000-05:00

This movie is about 2 hours long, including a ten minute intro.

www.zeitgeistmovie.com

Watch it (if you haven't already), and let me know what you think.

Back on Long Island...

2007-08-21T02:07:00.000-05:00

So I am back in my old place, up to my old tricks. Im staying up all night and sleeping all day. All the while Im watching TV and getting nothing done. Tomorrow I have to wake early and get on a regular schedule.

I miss X and my cats. I miss X but the thought of being in a relationship sends me into a serious state of anxiety. I know that it is impossible fo rme to have a relationship right now.

My body is reacting with anxiety when I try to use my broken heart. Breaking up with L in June was really really hard on me. I don't think I realized just how difficult this was going to be for me. I am still very much not over it.

Everything with X is so intense that I can't handle it. It's impossible to just mess around because my feelings are so intense. I can't even do the friends with benefits thing anymore because I have an anxiety attack if I try.

I could mess around with someone I don't care about I think. I could do the casual sleep around thing. But I think I've sewn those wild oats long ago. I feel too old and fat for all of that silliness.

I also can't get over that my apartment doesn't smell like me yet. My home isn't my castle yet. Those people who lived here before didn't stink, they were just different in the "my pheromones and your pheromones don't mix" kind of way.

I instantly dislike people who have pheromones that don't agree with me. It's usually very subtle and I don't know why I dislike them. But it's the pheromones.

That's why I don't understand that pheromone enhancing crap they sell. If it actually worked, why would you want to strengthen your pheromones? You certainly wouldn't do that at the office. Personality conflicts abound. People wear that stuff out to clubs. It's ridiculous. It's just another way of saying I want sex right now. Perfect for the meat market that is the bar. But if you aren't looking for a one-night stand why would you use it?

P.S.

2007-08-21T01:53:00.000-05:00

Why hasn't anyone posted?

Seen any good movies lately?

Rating of Notes on a Scandal...

2007-08-21T01:35:00.000-05:00

Has anyone seen this movie?

It was a wonderful film as far as strength of story. Acting was some of the best stuff I've seen in a long while. Everything about it was great, except for the obvious part that the old woman was some lesbian sexual predator! WTF?! I am so pissed. We have worked so hard to fight stereotypes and someone comes along and makes some movie whose characters were taken right out of the 1950's. I am really angry at this movie.

I truly understand that the movie is not saying that lesbians are sexual predators. Judi Dench plays a closeted lesbian sociopathic destructive narcissist named barbara. And I'm sure these sorts actually exist in the world (I have probably dated one or two). But come on!

I think there were a few scenes well-done that showed that barbara's family supported her lesbianism. It was simply barbara's own gay shame that prevented her from telling anyone.

Other than my anger over the above points, the movie was truly amazing. The younger character named Sheba, a teacher, sleeps with a 15 year old boy. Barbara is secretly obsessed with Sheba and uses her knowledge of Sheba's affair with a boy student to manipulate Sheba into closer intimacy with her. People find out and Sheba is labeled a sexual predator. But the entire time the audience sees how Barbara is also a predator. There are 2 sexual predators. One had a consensual relationship (arguably the boy couldnt consent) and she also was married with children. Sheba was also beautiful and one of her children had down syndrome. So of course the audience feels an empathy with her. Barbara on the other hand was completely alone except for a cat (i know, how stereotypical) and she was this old lady. She was never honest. Sheba on the other hand was honest most of the time. So in the end, the audience sides with Sheba and sees Barbara as the true predator. It is an incredibly fascinating film.

Kasie is an awesome girl!

2007-08-13T22:09:00.000-05:00

Here is a photo of us from today...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I just had dinner tonight with Kasie, Hi Kasie! I was in Virginia Beach, and I'm really excited we got to meet up. I met the hubby finally. Kasie, he seems like a really great guy. I wish I had gone to your wedding.

Kasie you looked totally awesome! Some women look completely miserable when they are pregnant. But you had the whole "glow" thing that people talk about.

I am not sure if I should be writing this to Kasie, or to the rest of the world about Kasie. I have confused myself.

Anyways, it was awesome. And, I am sad that you will run off to Italy. I hope that you know, when you go to Italy, I will come and visit you.

I will bring whatever gf I am with, if I ever have a gf again. I am so over relationships - but that is neither here nor there.

Anyways, it was good to see you.

Perez Hilton...

2007-08-10T09:02:00.000-05:00

...likes to ridicule famous people who blog when they're drunk. This made me think about some of the things I've written during one of my "philosophical" (AKA inebriated) moments. Try not too laugh too hard or think less of me =-) However, do feel free to tear this one apart.

Where is the line drawn between obsession and the natural, normal wonder of "what happened"? I recognize that many people in my field of work are prone to OCD, but how do we distinguish the difference between the intellectual's curiosity and the obsessive's "need" to have an answer. I put the word "need" in quotation marks because I also wonder if it's really a need versus a psychological disorder where the only answer wanted to be heard is the one that's desired. I'm trying to find the key to letting go...I don't think obsessive people really want and/or need that answer. I think they just hold on to an idea (however wrong it may be). I also think this applies to too many situations to be specifc. No, that's not true. I'm trying to respect the actions of my friends, and at the same time seek an answer for something I am guilty of.

We draw so many lines, but what kind of picture do those lines depict? A square, a traingle, a circle--what? I think it's a circle, since the behavior is constant with no true expectation of the truth. Who wants the truth when our own disillusions are easier to digest?! I'm inclined to think that we, as human beings, are more inclined to find an excuse that makes our behaviors more pallatable versus an honest search for the truth. And I wonder what truth really is?

LOL, someone should really hide the computer from me when I've been drinking...seriously.

Where did you go my lovelies?

2007-08-09T19:01:00.000-05:00

Guess everyone left??? I check almost every day to see if there are any posts but it looks like weare all busy. Here is an update of what is going on here.

1) I have pregnancy-induced tachycardia. I've been debating on taking the medicine prescribed since there is a risk to the baby. I feel fine until I have an "episode" and then I feel like the world is ending, I am dying, whatever means "feels like crap" is what I am trying to say here. I had a stupid doctor who gave me a medicine that you aren't supposed to take while pregnant at all and had to fight with the hospital to get that changed. Finally got that done Monday or Tuesday this week.

2) Now I have a cold/flu/something. Not sure yet. I feel okay right now but I'm on drugs so I don't feel the fever, chills and sore throat.

3) Pregnancy is going okay. Almost halfway through. Found out hospital won't tell me the sex of the baby unless the doctor is "feeling generous" so if we don't know what we are having after our next appt, we are going to have to pay for it somewhere else.

4) Zeke put in orders for Sicily today. We should find out in a week if he was accepted. At first we didn't want to go but the more we talked about not having the house anymore and being able to site see, save money etc we got really excited. Can't wait to go.

5) We have to get the house ready to put it on the market soon. Don't know how quickly that is going to happen. We'll see. And I doubt we will make any money off it since we haven't had it for two years. Market sucks right now!

6) Zeke's mom and siblings came to visit two weeks ago. We had fun, we went to Busch Gardens in the middle of a heat wave. Not fun but since it's August we got some evening rain. Most of the people left and the temp went down. After that, we had a lot of fun. Actually rode some rides, no roller coasters though. Don't want to hurt baby.

I am sad we have sort of abandoned the blog but I think it's just cause everyone is busy. I've been addicted to a forum and have been on there for the past couple weeks. I cheating on you guys.

Health issues, anyone?

2007-08-04T01:11:00.001-05:00

I don't know what has happened within the past two weeks, but so far three people I know have been hospitalized, another found out she has advanced cancer, and yet another is going in for a biopsy on Tuesday. How are you all feeling?

Work vs. People

2007-07-25T20:38:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a poll here:

How much enjoyment from your job is from the people you work with and how much is from the actual work?

I am just wondering because I love my summer job soooo much. I would like to work there for real. Then I heard my absolute favorite person there might leave soon. Then I thought to myself... I don't want to work here so badly if she isn't here. The others are great, but she is the absolute best. Great mentor, wise, smart, funny, relaxed - the whole nine yards. Then I find myself wondering...

How common is that? How common is it that you find the greatest people to work around? I can count on one hand the number of people i truly could spend all day with an not want to smack them - or myself into unconsciousness.

At this summer job... there are really just 2 people i'd like to smack. All the people who may or may not receive a slap from yours truly have one thing in common - they are all disingenuous. They are insincere people, and it's obvious that they are full of crap.

There are several signs that can hint that someone you are talking to is insincere:

1. They are looking at your body while you speak

2. They only remember portions of details about you and try to exploit them

3. They never talk about themselves and ask you 50 questions right off the bat

4. They never shut up about themselves

(yes i realize that some of these contradict one another)

5. They declare that you are their favorite person in the planet within the first 7 minutes

6. They try and size u up in 30 seconds and decide you can't fulfill any of their needs, i.e. move up the career ladder, sex, being withholding like their parents and never giving them love while dangling approval and affection just out of reach (oops... did i just size them up in 30 seconds)

note: we are all guilty of this at one time or another, hopefully you are not a chronic insincere person

The point of this blog - I don't want to work with the chronically insincere... please don't make me Sallie Mae

Talk vs Work

2007-07-21T07:36:00.000-05:00

I don't know if you guys noticed, but we passed the 100 posts mark. It makes me happy to see others writing comments and posts, too; I was beginning to think this summer would be the Kasie and Shannon Show, which isn't exactly a bad thing. If only I'd known some of you are more interested in political/global-themed posts...
Actually, I probably wouldn't have changed my posts. I've worked with people who discuss politics all day while their tasks go undone. If they were actually trying to educate themselves and/or make improvements, it wouldn't matter so much to me. Unfortunately, it just seems all they really want to do is make someone else feel small. So I have a question for you: what do you do with colleagues who would rather piss on each other to assert dominance instead of sharing information so we're all more knowledgeable?

Re: Action vs. Motivation (terrorism post) PART 2...

2007-07-19T22:02:00.000-05:00

I almost forgot something else I wanted to say!!

...

Governments usually don’t agree with a non-violent approach because it gives power to large numbers of citizens who may use it against the government at a later time.

Oh! One other thing I wanted to say...

Terrorism is a product of the environment a terrorist comes from but it is not necessarily an instinctual reaction. If it were instinctual, then all of the families of the victims of September 11th would be planning terrorist acts. But in reality, many of them wrote President Bush to beg him not to use violence to avenge violence. It should have been historically obvious that you cannot defeat terrorism by force. Terrorism is never an answer to whatever the problem may be. On the other hand, trying to combat terrorism with force is the worst possible solution. The British reacted to terrorist acts by the Irish Republican Army with military action, only to face more terrorism. When the Israelis respond to Palestinian terrorism with military strikes, it only results in more suicide bombers. Bill Clinton, after the attack on the U.S. embassy in Kenya, bombed Afghanistan. And you can see that from September 11th that Clinton’s bombing did not work to stop terrorism.

Re: Action vs. Motivation (terrorism post)

2007-07-19T21:24:00.000-05:00

The core of terrorism is that a worthwhile end can justify any means. The means vary for terrorists but the end result that is hoped for is generally the same: attention to the issue. After Columbine, there was a slew of news stories on absent parents letting their children be raised by television and video games. Which was sort of the case in Columbine. If the Columbine shooters had better parents, it wouldn't have happened. But these are exactly the sort of news stories that lead to illogical and fearful conclusions. We can't choose our parents. We can't force others to be good parents. The whole gun control issue was the real heart of the Columbine issue. How could 15 year olds buy and carry around guns? That is something we, as voters, can actually have influence over. But the sensationalism of the "trenchcoat mafia" drowned out how we can make a difference.

Yes, you guessed it... I am going to ramble on for quite awhile... (I have to make up for lost time)

So, what we Americans are doing in Iraq and Afghanistan is saying "the end justifies the means" . The US is occupying those countries and killing thousands and thousands of civilians when it aims at the enemy- which is who? Terrorism? Terrorism is an abstract idea. You can't wage war on an abstract idea. You have to have something tangible to fight. "Terrorist" is not a tangible enemy either. One person's terrorist is another person's patriot.

If you use the logic of the U.S. government (end justifies the means), terrorism can be ethically justified because it achieves its goal and in the long run, greater attention to the issue may bring about change. If successful, the terrorist act itself- no matter how horrific- will be seen as a necessary amoral evil. History usually being written by the winners of the conflicts, the terrorism used will be hallowed or disappear altogether.

The U.S. government, which I have now defined as a terrorist (see above), was hoping it's terrorist acts would be justified by the end result. The problem is it fucked up and lost - just like in Vietnam. Our military strategy blows when we are up against an abstract idea (duh). So now the U.S. is reaching the end of the night carrying an empty dance card. How could the big U.S. government lose and finally admit that it's actions have invoked terror? That can't happen, right? We are the best, right? But we lost. The government will never say that we lost. Ever. How can they get around this declaring a winner and loser thing, you ask? Simple. We just never stop. If the war never ends, then we never lose.

The problem with this brilliant strategy, is that violence begets more violence. Terrorism is a tragedy of circumstances that erupted from violent acts and by perpetuating that idea one could only bring death and destruction to society because the cycle will not stop with a victor. The winner of a battle is subjective.

Yes... I know you are tired of reading at this point. I am very long winded on this post indeed...

I will give you a short break...

...

get something to drink...

...

there ya go...

...

ready? ok!

There is no such thing as a just war. Many wars have begun under conditions where no one could be certain of the facts. The justice of going to war is still actively debated. Virtually every act of atrocity in recent times has been defended on the grounds that the war was just. Granted, self-defense is moral and ethical provided that it is carried out with suitable restraint and concern for the ultimate outcome. The US has zero concern for the ultimate outcome of the scorched earth we call the middle east. Moreover, virtually all sides of every war have also argued the necessity, pragmatism, and superior morality of their actions. The end results have rarely been convincing. The balance of right and wrong is very complex and difficult to determine which side tips the scale. The stronger side almost always abuses the weaker. This theory of “Might is right” does not work.

The fact that the weak are victims, however, does not make them just either. The moment the weaker side has the opportunity to abuse the stronger side; it is often all too willing to do so. So what's the answer?

Get ready... I am about to get even more philosophical...

...

All means become ends in a sense because the ends have immediate consequences apart from what they are trying to achieve. And all ends are themselves - means to other ends. The goal gains greater respect when the means used are non-violent. The Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza Strip, under the military occupation of the Israelis since the war of 1967, began around 1987 to adopt non-violent tactics, massive demonstrations, to bring the attention of the world to their brutal treatment by the Israelis. This brought more brutality, as hundreds of unarmed Palestinians were shot to death by Israeli soldiers. The world did begin to pay attention and it accomplished its goal even more so than with terrorism because it brought sympathizers along with the attention. The world has had a long history of successful non-violent struggle and resistance. Violence to the point of terrorism is the desperate act of tiny groups who are incapable of building a large group of popular support. (And yes, I am talking about the Neo-Conservatives)

WHEW!!!!

I feel better.

Questions? Comments?

Anyone want to tell me to shut up because I haven't been on the blog in forever and then I become some chatty kathy?

:)

Good Artistic Movie ...

2007-07-14T21:53:00.000-05:00

I watched Pan's Labyrinth tonight; nothing like The Labyrinth. I don't know who told me it was a remake of the original but it is not. They are nothing alike. The only similarity is both movies have a girl and an infant brother. Movie was very artistic, beautiful, in Spanish - subtitled in English. It was a beautiful story with a bitter-sweet ending. If you like fairy tales you may like it. I don't even know how to begin to describe it. All I can say is it had me covering my eyes, rooting for the main character, and left me almost crying ... although that may be my hormones. The scenes were gorgeous from the beginning. The animation in parts was a little fake but for what they were drawing (fictional bugs and people) I don't think they could have done any better. The one issue I had was the violence was too graphic for me.

Anyone else see it?

Action vs Motivation

2007-07-12T02:31:00.001-05:00

I attended a lecture the other day, and the topic was the motivation of insurgents/terrorists. I won't go into detail (because the topic is kind of broad), but I had a sort of epiphany concerning the motivation of people to join such groups.

It seems to me that so much time is spent on asking insurgents/terrorists the whats, whens, and hows of their activities, but the remaining elements get neglected. I think the best way to treat a problem lies in finding the cause, so why aren't these questions being asked? Who, where, and (this is the big one) why? It reminds me of the Columbine incident, and how almost immediately a cry for gun control was heard. But guns weren't the problem; it was the people behind the gun. You can outlaw all the weapons in the world, but if someone really wants to harm another person, they're going to find a way. So it makes sense to me to address that particular want in order to prevent it from escalating into a tragedy. I think that getting to the heart of a problem means in this case getting into the hearts and minds of the people responsible for the action. What do you think?

A little baby update

2007-07-03T09:32:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to post my little bean photo and my belly.

Hey ...

2007-07-01T15:21:00.000-05:00

Where is everyone? You all have been MIA. Nothing going on?

Is your doctor playing judge

2007-06-22T11:17:00.001-05:00

I read an article this morning that pissed me off. I had to share. I wanted you to be knowledgable that this kind of thing exists. I don't know how you all feel about religion, or about the rights of doctors but no matter your beliefs, I still think it is important to be aware you may be denied care due to religious affiliation.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19190916/

2007-06-20T23:20:00.000-05:00

FYI, those of you who love "Tales of the City", Maupin's new book is out. "Michael Tolliver Lives".. I'm so excited....

2007-06-20T22:47:00.000-05:00

Greetings to all my friends and my sincere apologies for being such a snobby lazy ass bitch for not blogging sooner.... Just wanted to let you all know that life is such a son of a bitch! I don't mean that as such an absolute negative, I'm just trying to point out the fact that sometimes you take a look at yourself in the proverbial mirror and you wonder who's looking back at you. For the life of me I never thought I could ever change this much in one year. You all may be wondering where I'm coming from, and at the same time some of you may be skipping ahead to the next blog entry. All I'm saying is that I really never understood how people change us. I've been friends with some of you for such a long time. I've witnessed some of you in relationships that lasted longer than my ring size in months, and longer. I also took mental note about how different you became. It was never a bad thing, it was just different. I saw how being with someone and actually having to worry about their feeling affected your life. Mainly because it affected me too, and I was pissed about it. I shouldn't use the word pissed, rather I was just being selfish. This is all coming up because today instead of indulging myself in the cutest pair of Diesel linen pants I purchased a set of pans instead. Who am I and what happened to the Shaun I use to know and love??? I scare myself and I just wanted to know if that's normal and if I'll be able to live with myself come the time I see someone else this summer wearing my pants.... Not that I'd be able to fit in them then anyway. What's up with that, too? I agree that I'm not going to sleep with anyone else and automatically I gain 10 pounds? Is that some kind of universal contract with ourselves that makes us feel so nasty that we won't even try to flirt. Anyway, I'm rambling and I apologize. If you do understand any of this, and where I'm coming from let me know. Cause I'm starting to wonder if I do. Miss you all, and hope to somehow see you soon. Love as Always.... We should all get together sometime and perform RENT, but only to paying customers....!

Short thought for you girls... eh hem I mean WOMEN

2007-06-15T20:57:00.000-05:00

I'm taking Business Law right now and at first I hated it but it is actually growing on me. It's really interesting. It's a lot of info to stick in my head in five weeks. I don't think I will retain much due to the short class schedule but at least I am enjoying myself for the time being. Usually I am ripping my hair out right about now.

Something to laugh about....

2007-06-11T06:27:00.000-05:00

I hate to think I messed up Korean like this, although I'm sure I have at one time or another. Anyway, here's something to help you start the week off with a smile.

Movies

2007-06-07T15:45:00.001-05:00

Songcatcher

Started out thinking "What the hell is this movie... but okay I'll watch it cause I've seen everything else that is on TV today." Then I recognized an actor, Aidan Quinn from Legends of the Fall and I decided to keep watching.

The story is about this woman, a pianist with a doctorate in music (I guess), who travels to this back country village to collect their folk songs for a music book. Sounds stupid? Yes. I was hesitant to watch it. But keep reading. It is set in 1907 and the village is full of ignorant people who can't read. They live in the mountains where they are sitting on top of coal-rich land that developers/money hungry people want to buy. The doctorate/pianist at first doesn't want to get involved cause she is there for her job but ends up feeling strongly for the people and starts telling them not to take the deal, educating them and helping them out in any way she can. I missed the very beginning, like 5 minutes and missed if she came to the town alone or with people, but she was living with other people and they also play into the story. There is a love story between two teachers that goes sour, a love story between the main character and Aidan Quinn, some action in a fighting scene.... it's a good movie. Although, one thing I would change is the main character. She is like 6 ft tall and towers over everyone in the village and she makes weird, wide-eyed faces and seems very cold and emotionless at times. I think she smiled like twice in the movie. It made it very hard to like her, but I fell in love with the village people (har har village people) especially the curly haired little girl who falls in love with an older boy (played by Emmy Rossum, Phantom of the Opera, The Day After Tomorrow).

Not worth buying but interesting and I didn't feel like my time was wasted.

In Her Shoes

It was dry and I think it was Cameron Diaz's fault. Though the ending made me teary, it also made me hate my sister for being such a bad sister.

So yeah if you haven't seen this one, it's about two sisters, two opposites a partier and a seriously minded woman. The partier causes a bunch of drama and runs away. While partier, Cameron Diaz, runs away, serious-sister changes her entire life and wonders where her sister went. They end up finding each other, working out their problems, then they live happily ever after. Whatever. Dry. I like the point of the story and the bond of sisterhood but it just again lacked emotion and left absolutely no room for interpretation. I only continued to watch it cause I thought serious-sister's boyfriend was so cute (like little boy cute).

I watch too much TV.

D.C. is pretty cool...

2007-06-03T18:40:00.000-05:00

I really like my job so far. It rocks. I have a long ass commute, but it is totally worth it.

I am kind of running low on emotional energy lately though. I think I just need to take an emotional break. Is that possible?

Anyone seen any good movies lately?

-H

Think!

2007-06-03T05:27:00.001-05:00

Aretha had it right--people really are walking around everyday, playing games and taking scores. These same people are usually the ones who mistake my benevolence for naivety. I see what is going on; I just prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt until they have proven themselves to be absolutely not worth the effort. I get a certain amount of peace of mind from giving others that chance, and hope that I will receive the same opportunity because those are the seeds I've sown. I fell into the crowd that played those games, but couldn't stand it--too much energy exerted into work that isn't very fulfilling. I can't run on empty, so I'd rather be a (mostly) good person, and be fueled with the knowledge that my day was not spent in vain. I know every day can't be good, but I also know I can do at least one good thing everyday. Do I do it? No, of course...but I'm not going to be so busy trying to take others down that I can't help myself stand back up. To me, that doesn't make sense.

Values: Your opinion

2007-05-31T11:30:00.000-05:00

If you could pass on only one value to the next generation, what would it be and why? I want to know what you think is important.

Examples are honesty, integrity, kindness, understanding, forgiveness, honor, committment... tell me what you think.

-Kasie

Vacation is over :(

2007-05-28T02:00:00.001-05:00

After my last final exam, I went on a mental vacation. I rented the entire season 2 of the show Medium. I tried to watch it all. but I only got through a couple of episodes because of all the getting ready to leave I had to do. This sorority girl and her bf are subletting my place for the summer. They moved in 2 days after my final. I had to clean. Yuck. I realized that it may not be acceptable to leave the place with a mattress that has been partially destroyed by my cats claws. So I went out and bought a brand new mattress. It couldn't be delivered until after they moved in. I didn't want to wait for them to arrive. Getting the cats in the carrier is really difficult and I didn't want to have to deal with that and have strangers in my apartment.

I have soo much crap! I never realize how much stuff I have until I need to move. I had so many things that I didn't want to leave in the apartment, but I couldn't fit the stuff in my car - things like journals and clothes. To take care of this problem I rented a storage unit. I rented it on the day I needed to leave at 6pm. It was only open until 9pm. I raced home packed up all the crap I could and ran it over to the storage unit. Holy hell, all that moving all by myself was tough. I should've asked for help before school ended.

After that I started to clean and pack the car. I don't know why it took so freakin long, but at 2 am I still wasn't done. Oh wait, I almost forgot, I took 2 hours to go visit this girl who was graduating. I was soo tired. I took a nap until 4 am and then I got up to clean and finish. I was really rushed and at 6am I finished. I finally got everything (cats included) packed away. I was on the road at 7am. I got to my mom's house at 4pm that afternoon. It took 2 red bulls and 6 diet cokes.

4 days at my mom's and then I went to my grandparents for 4 days in Richmond, VA. The cats are totally freaked at this point. Then I went up to my new place in Woodstock, Maryland. I am staying with Tassi, my ex-roommate from San Antonio. We both were at LAckland around the same time and DLI. It is a really great place, way out in the country. I think I will really like staying here.

I wish I could continue on my mental vacation. I start work at the new internship in D.C. on Tuesday. I have no idea where the building is, or what time I have to be there.

I still haven't recovered from my first year of law school. I'm still waiting for the normalcy to wash over me.

Have you seen me?

2007-05-25T13:35:00.000-05:00

Just passing this on. Hope you will be able to do the same.

Madeleine McCann missing in Portugal. Have you seen her?

Contact David Lohr at crimewriter74@hughes.net

Madeleine McCann News Widget

madeleinemccann.blogspot.com

We're back ;)

2007-05-23T18:07:00.000-05:00

This is a blog from my myspace but it is info I wanted to share here. I changed it a bit to fit in this blog. We went to San Diego and Los Angeles this past week to visit our families and to attend a graduation and baptism. We visited others on the way and ate at Jack in the Box, In-and-Out, Mexican food twice... and lots of other stuff. Anyway, here is the blog.

Love!

Zeke and I returned home today from SD/LA. I didn't expect the flight to take so long. This was my first coast to coast flying trip and I absolutely hated every minute of it. I feel sorry for those who have motion sickness all the time, it is not fun and is actually a little scary. I didn't have any bags in my seat pocket so I was about to run to the bathroom during landing. I could just see the flight attendants chasing a sprinting woman down the isle, screaming "return to your seat." Luckily I was able to hold back and I made it home vomit-free, though I think I freaked out some surrounding passengers.

Our vacation went well. We enjoyed spending time with family and friends. It was a nice visit. Zeke's nephew is adorable! Oh wait MY nephew haha! Lynette's (childhood and current friend) graduation was amazing. Her family is so great and supportive and I enjoyed getting to see them again. Lynette was beautiful (as always). I am so happy I got the chance to share her big day with her.

I also had the chance to visit Stacy and Nathan (Navy friends we met in Washington state, 2004-2005) and meet their daughter Atty. She is such a sweet baby and happy. I fell in love with her. It was harder than I expected to leave their home when the day was over but I am happy just to get in that little bit of time I had.

We arrived home and the house was still standing. I expected it to have been robbed or burned down but it is in one piece. We picked up Flash from our friends' house and he gained weight while we were gone. I don't think he got any taller :) but somehow his ears seem longer.

Before I go I also wanted to let you know we are expecting our first child in January. I haven't been to my first appointment yet so we have no idea what the exact due date is. Please pray for us we don't want to lose this one. If we can just get past where we were on our last pregnancy I will stop worrying so much.

Remember GarbagePail Kids?

2007-05-21T06:28:00.000-05:00

Well, along the same lines, there were also the Wacky Packages collectible cards. A coworker introduce me to them today at work (since everyone but the five people in our squadron had today off), and I spent a good hour laughing till I cried. Here's one of my favorites:

Google "Wacky Packages" to see more--they're (mostly) hiliarious.

I cannot exist without a cat.

2007-05-15T10:27:00.000-05:00

I wanted to blog about people who demand my time and are screwing up my school work and my personal time, which I need to not go insane. But I changed my mind.

I went to Petco yesterday to buy dog food and saw these poor kitties in the window. I called the SPCA to ask if I can foster them and this lady gave me all the info I needed. So I asked Zeke if I could, I made it sound perfect, and he said no. WTF! I am so heart broken. I love cats and if I could I'd save them all. They are so sad in cages by themselves, 10 yrs old and lonely. They loved someone and that someone gave them up. That is so sad to me and it makes me cry. Maybe I am being emotional. LOL I actually cried when he said no? Definitely emotional. Sometimes I feel stupid cause they are cats, not people. I don't even feel this strongly about people/kids, but I will cry over a dead cat in the road, or when a kitty gets hurt on TV. Oh man I am such a sap.

So I am now leaving you with so cat quotes, some with feeling, some are funny. Enjoy.

Kasie

To anyone who has ever been owned by a cat, it will come as no surprise that there are all sorts of things about your cat you will never, as long as you live, forget. Not the least of these is the first sight of him or her.

I think my favorite thing in the house has to be the cat...mainly because she's just like a big piece of noisy Velcro when you toss her at the sofa.

A dog will show his love by jumping on you at the front door. A cat will show his love by ignoring you, and then curling up next to you when you need it most.

I cannot exist without a cat...Life would not be worth living without a cat.

Most beds sleep up to six cats. Ten cats without the owner.

Any household with at least one feline member has no need for an alarm clock.

A cat isn't fussy - just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow, rose-patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate. From which he will take it, and eat it off the floor.

Cats have an infallible understanding of total concentration - and get between you and it.

Voicemail...

2007-05-15T00:51:00.000-05:00

This little skit on abc.com was about getting to know this slacker guy through his voicemail.

It made me think of what people would think of me if all they heard was my voicemail. Right about now they would think I'm an ass for not calling anyone back. But that is because of finals and all.

I think I sound a lot more glamorous through my voicemail.

Shaun called and said he just got back from Japan. I need to call him.

One of my friends called and said "hey future lawyer..."

Messages from people subletting my apartment, they obviously have been trying to get a hold of me for awhile.

Message from my dad, giving me someone's email address - at midnight

hmm...

thoughts?

And another thing...

2007-05-11T23:42:00.000-05:00

I just want to clarify that the reason the Spanglish was annoying was because they are completely right on about the language combo in the future. We already have been incorporating other languages' terminology into our everyday vernacular since the beginning.

It was annoying because surprisingly, the movie gets the language right and then go on to ignore the actual Hispanic (or spanish-speaking) population. Statistically, the majority of the population will be Latino in the next 50 years, but they don't have one in the film. That's the annoying part.

Stay Away From Code 46...

2007-05-11T23:18:00.000-05:00

This movie "Code 46" is very disturbing. Not in a good artistic disturbing way either.

I will recommend this movie if you are:
A. Looking for a great love story between A BROTHER AND SISTER!! seriously, incest.
B. In the mood for listening to Spanglish for two hours and never see a single Latino. How'd the English language become permeated with Spanish in the future? It obviously was not from the majority of the population eventually being Latino. I was really annoyed. Thought provoked but annoyed.

The movie is based on this futuristic law that says you can't procreate with people whose DNA matches by 100, 75, 50, or 25%. If you do you, they will terminate the pregnancy. If you do and you knew you had matching DNA before you procreated you may be kicked out of society and forced to live on "the outside".

The interesting thing is that the outside doesn't really seem that bad in the movie. Maybe you'll be poor and you can't travel, but other than that it seemed ok. On the inside they erase memories they don't want you to have. I need to watch the movie again because I may have missed the point. I might watch it again to get the point.

The weird thing is that when the main character guy figures out that he just slept with his sister - he is completely ok with that, and worried about getting in trouble with the law. Then he goes to find her so her can sleep with her again. What?!

And it seems to be that he is in love, and maybe this was fate because he can't get her out of his mind. When the are finally together, however, there is no sweet love scene. Instead it is a really really weird love scene in which he ties her up and the camera lingers for far too long on her (you know). And it is completely bald (like porn star bald). So although the future may seem to treat males and females equally, the patriarchal society where the movie was made still thinks it is a good idea to objectify women.

I really don't want to give the movie another chance. I don't think I could sit through it again.

---

On another note I would like to develop my own thing, like two thumbs up. or hated it. you know what I mean?

any ideas?

Heather

2007-05-08T10:11:00.000-05:00

Hey Heather where you talking about the post in my own blog? To answer your Q, just caring is enough for me. I think the hardest thing about being depressed is feeling alone, like no one cares. Even if you don't tell anyone, you still feel like people should notice. You did and I love you for that.

Just because I don't have TV, doesn't mean I can't watch TV...

2007-05-06T10:46:00.000-05:00

So I got rid of my cable because I am supposed to be studying for exams.

I have since realized I can keep up with all my shows on abc.com for free. I can also download episodes of other shows for $2 a pop on amazon. Then, just when I thought things were good, I discovered I can watch movies for free instantly through Netflix. I have already used my 15 hours of free Netflix TV.

Apparently you don't need to have cable to have a television addiction nowadays.

...

How is everyone doing?

Shannon, do u get U.S. TV stations over there?

I started a new blog, just for me to go on and on about politics and my personal problems. I will send you all a link through email when exams are over. I don't want to put a link on this blog to it.

ok, I guess i should hit the books...

Return to Normalcy

2007-05-04T00:57:00.000-05:00

All's Well!

Medicine came. I slept 15 hours. I woke up today to the regular routine. Not tired in the least. Running around town with errands not difficult at all.

Thank you mail carrier. Thanks everyone!!!

______________________________

On another note...

I studied for Finals today. Civil Procedure. I have to memorize all these procedure rules for a lawsuit, which are written in some language (not English). All I can get is blah blah party of the first part blah deposition blah blah blah.

I knew that law school wasn't going to be a barrel of laughs, but I thought it would be a little more interesting. Reading cases is kind of interesting. Deciphering what rules mean and how to apply them is very boring. Snore.

Tomorrow I will be studying Contracts. I am hoping it will get a little more exciting. I will give you all the play by play.

I'm tired. Long day of studying craziness. My cats are beating each other up. I think they are mad that I keep leaving them alone for long periods of time.

Gotta wake up early, that's a pain. But, thank god it's Friday!!!! Hooray :)

Almost There...

2007-05-02T11:18:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody,

Thanks for being so sweet.

So my medicine didn't arrive Monday or Tuesday.

Last night I finally broke down and did the overnight shipment of meds from the internet. I hope overnight means they will get here today. Or I hope my VA shipment gets here today. Either way, I have learned my lesson. I will set aside an emergency stash for next time.

I am getting through ok. It is just hard to get stuff done. It is a really bad time because I am supposed to be studying for finals.

So right now I am writing this blog while I am in my study group studying Contracts. (but I am paying attention at the same time, i swear). :)

You are the best. :)

Incase you are in class and online again...

2007-05-01T10:23:00.000-05:00

Heather: Did you have coffee this morning!? Pinch yourself on your cheeks by your eyes, shake off the spaciness by shaking your head really hard, space out visually and listen... these are all things I do when I can't focus. Hopefully one will do the trick for today. That whole rumor about sitting up straight will help you stay awake, that just doesn't work for me. Other things that work for me, facing a window. Don't sit in the sun cause the heat will make you sleepy. Just sit where the light is in your eyes or directly in front of you.

And to cheer you up...

So maybe I am over reacting by worrying so much about you but I like to think it's because I care so much.

Day Four and Counting...

2007-04-30T12:22:00.000-05:00

I don't know if I have told you all this, but I probably have since we have been friends a long while. I take antidepressants on a regular basis. It isn't that I was recently depressed or anything. I have clinical depression. I am supposed to take it everyday like diabetics take insulin. I could potentially not be on them, if I was under the care of a counselor. But I can't afford a counselor and the VA gives me the pills. Usually when I get a new bottle, I set aside about 12. That way when I run out, I call to order the refill and there are still 6 days of pills left to last until the refill gets here. My brilliantness forgot to do the set-aside thing last time. I ran out on Thursday. Today is my fourth day without them. This is incredibly stupid of me, especially with exams fast approaching and all the maddening stress that comes along with them.

I decided to blog about it because I figured it may help me to get by a little easier.

So is there a noticeable difference? Hell yes.

Day One - wow. I am being very very stupid. I went out after school to celebrate my oral arguments being done. I drank 2 beers. That is pretty much the last thing I needed considering alcohol is a depressant. Then I went to a birthday party later that night, had one glass of wine. Next I went over to the dorms, and had another beer. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Someone commented that I seem different.

Day Two - went to study group session. It was extremely difficult to get out of bed. When I finally got to the study session, it was near impossible to focus on the task at hand. I was incredibly exhausted despite getting plenty of sleep. I went home and rented a bunch of movies. I couldn't keep my eyes open past 12. Someone commented that I look different.

Day Three - I should have studied. Instead I slept until 1pm. I woke up and took a friend to the grocery store. While driving back home I was almost falling asleep a the wheel. I then watched movies. Well, a movie. I started to fall asleep at 6pm. I feel like I have mono. This sucks. My body feels like I am carrying around a giant sack of potatoes. So I went to sleep, and slept and slept...

Today - woke up at 7 (late). very very difficult to get out of bed. I went to a fundraiser breakfast, where someone commented that I look "out of it". I then went to Contracts class. Where I couldn't even concentrate enough to play a game on the computer while I was not paying attention in class. I started falling asleep in class. I took a B-complex vitamin. I now have some energy. I don't feel so tired anymore that I could fall asleep at any second. I tried to run some errands on my lunch break and didn't get much done. I am here in Property class right now - Blogging instead of paying attention. I just yawned. I hope my medicine arrives in the mail today... I think the worst thing about this so far is that I can't stay awake.

Note:

2007-04-29T23:26:00.001-05:00

I deleted the tattoo posts cause they were stealing someone's bandwith.

Can I be a critic too?

2007-04-27T13:28:00.000-05:00

Ok so I watched the Devil Wears Prada and although I absolutely hate Meryl Streep, I did enjoy it. Rachel had watched the movie a long time ago and told me it was cute and that was what it was. CUTE. I liked that the main character was someone who isn't completely famous. And I liked that she is young, in her early 20s and trying to start her career. It made her much more relatable. I could relate to her position in her place of work cause she was an admin assistant like I am. What happens in the story was she applied for a position at a modeling magazine. She was hopeless in the fashion area but was able to conform to her surroundings; not without losing herself in the process. She became so busy and uptight that she ended up losing friends in the process, her parents worried about her, she lost her boyfriend and her values. It was very... tame as compared to real life but I like the story line, the point. It seemed real to me.

I think that all of us have been through a situation where we got caught up in what was going on and turned our backs on those people who tried to help us. At least I think everyone has been through that!

I am not much for unknown music which the movie had a lot of, but if you are into music that isn't mainstream there were some good songs on there. Rach sent me a bunch to listen to and I did enjoy them.

Anyone else have an opinion? Did I mention I hate Meryl Streep?

L♥ve, Kasie

PMS...

2007-04-25T07:30:00.000-05:00

...Like the Mary J. Blige song. I used to laugh at my mom's mood swings when she was PMSing (yelling at my little sister one second, then asking me what kind of cookies I'd like the next), and am grateful that I didn't get that from her. But man, do I get the strangest cravings. And if I don't get the food I want, I'm like...

Sorry I forgot about this

2007-04-24T10:51:00.000-05:00

Here it is:

I am including the God stuff in this blog. I talked more in my blog found by clicking here.

I believe God is all loving. I don't believe that he makes negative things happen in this world. I think he wants us to all be happy and be nice to one another, to learn from our experiences and to do every good thing we possibly can without losing our selves or our minds in the process. I think He gave us the choice to live in complete bliss or to live through negativity and learn in the process. I think this is where the story of Adam and Eve came from. I don't think that Eve was tricked into biting the apple, I think she made the choice. If you think about it, if we are always happy and always have everthing we want, what do we learn? It's like always handing over money to your children. They don't learn what it is like to earn it, to be without it. There is no appreciation.

My Contribution to Earth Day

2007-04-22T13:54:00.000-05:00

Did you know that coffee is the second most consumed product in the world, second only to oil/petroleum products? Have you heard of fair trade coffee? Shade-grown versus sun-grown?

In honor of Earth Day, here is some education for you. **Fair Warning** This article is long. I don't expect you to read it all. I know we are busy people so if you want a quick summary:

Save our ecosystems, buy shade-grown coffee.

Coffee for the Birds
The Boreal Forest of North America is one of the largest forests in the world, but its size is rapidly declining due to deforestation and demand for sun-grown coffee in America. The declining amount of forest has put over 150 species of songbird, essential to the ecosystem, into endangerment. The songbirds of this ecosystem are essential to the health of the forests in North America and the tropics for many reasons and unless we can stop deforestation for the sun-grown coffee, we are likely to lose these well-known and loved birds forever. Educating our country about the songbird’s role and the benefits of shade-grown coffee versus sun-grown plays an essential part in halting the destruction of the forest and in saving many species of beloved birds.

Benefits of shade-grown coffee
Shade-grown coffee plantations can provide winter homes for some 200 different species of migratory birds such as the Baltimore Oriole or Sharp-shinned Hawk. In addition, permanent residents of the rainforests like hummingbirds and toucans, make their homes on shade-grown coffee plantations. These plantations provide homes to other organisms as well such as amphibians, plants, fungi, and invertebrates. Such biodiversity is due to the fact that shade-grown coffee does not require the clearing of vast amounts of land. In fact, the plantations are hardly recognizable as such since they blend right in with the natural lay of the land (Audubon, n.d.).
A person walking through the rainforest could pass right through a shade-grown coffee plantation and not even know, unless they knew what to look for.

Another benefit to shade-grown coffee plantations is that they are sustainable. Shade-grown coffee plantations keep local farmers in business and can last up to 10 times longer than sun-grown coffee plantations. In addition, since only ripe beans are picked, the taste is much better than sun-grown coffee. A further benefit is that pesticides are not necessary as the birds, along with other animals and plants, which make these plantations their winter homes, keep the pests in check. This means that the surrounding soil and water will be of a higher quality as well. Since pesticides are not necessary, shade-grown coffee plantations are actually cheaper to maintain than sun-grown coffee plantations (Atlanta Audubon, n.d.).

How sun-grown coffee adds to the deforestation problem
Sun-grown coffee adds to the deforestation problem with the kind of system being used. The system used to grow sun-grown coffee increases soil erosion and requires constant doses of fertilizers and pesticides. What this means is that the old forest trees must come down to clear the land. The Songbird Foundation (2006) states “Full-sun coffee plantations are virtually biological deserts. The higher yields tempt farmers to convert to full-sun, and the majority of plantations in Brazil, Colombia, and Costa Rica have already been cleared of trees. Even though full-sun farms are more expensive to maintain — and have significant environmental costs—government agencies often subsidize the transition.”

When the trees from the forest are being cut down to implore sun-grown coffee farms, it creates an environment that is no longer balanced and self-nurturing. Sun-grown coffees also require great amounts of chemicals that help the coffee grow and pesticides to keep out the insects.

Sun-grown coffee plants destroy the environment by depleting up to 90% of the bird species, by eroded the soil and toxic runoff. Also, sun-grown coffee plants stop producing after 10 – 15 years.

Reason for decline of songbird other than coffee
Although sun-grown coffee is the major contributor to the decline of the songbird population, there are many other reasons. Some of the reasons include: deforestation for other sun-grown crops, ground-nesting birds frequently being prayed on by untamed cats and nest invaders like raccoons. Pesticides, fertilizers, and toxins used in today’s world are also killing these birds. Next are the tall buildings. Certain species of migrating birds are prone to flying into tall buildings that are lit up at night. Other reasons include climate and weather; cold fronts, heavy rainfall, and wind. All happen while the songbirds are crossing large bodies of water and may kill these precious birds (Marks, 2006).

Acid rain has also been found to be a big issue. Acid rain results from emissions of sulfur and nitrogen oxides from coal-burning power plants, cars, and factories. The Clean Air Act amendments introduced in 1990 resulted in reductions of pollutants, but these changes have not stopped the acid rain completely (Seabrook, 2002). Additionally, songbirds migrate in the spring and fall ever year, tending to migrate to the same place. In the twice-a- year conformation, they change from carnivores to vegetarians (Robinson, 1997). With the tropical forests being replaced by grasslands and sun plantations, the habitat the songbirds have grown accustomed to is now diminishing.

To live in both the temperate and tropical worlds and to find sufficient food during their long and often intercontinental flights, songbirds must be flexible opportunists. The songbirds need insects for nourishment during mating season and shade that is provided by the rainforest. The songbirds also help to preserve the trees of the rainforests every year by eating the insects that feed on the trees; this gives the trees a longer lifespan.

Direct links that sun-grown coffee is causing bird decline
Sun-grown coffee plants have a direct effect on migratory birds because they drive all of the wild life that lives in those areas away. The animals that live in the forested areas where the shade-grown coffee is will follow the forests. When the rain forests are cut down and sun-grown coffee is planted, the wild life migrates to other areas and the birds that once were there follow it as well. If deforestation keeps at its current pace, some of these beloved birds are going to disappear just as the trees are disappearing.

The sun-grown coffee is also treated with a lot of pesticides that would not normally be used on the shade-grown coffee. This factor is also making the songbird numbers drop dramatically. The pesticides may contain poisons to these birds. Not only do these pesticides potentially poison the birds, but also they can also potentially poison the other wild life that lives in the area. This creates a trickle down effect. Once the forests are cleared, some of the wild life is gone that the birds rely on. The birds that are left or the prey they rely on may be poisoned, causing the birds to starve or migrate elsewhere.

As an example of natural selection, evolution will claim these songbirds at the hands of men and women. We take these trees that they need to survive. Their natural habitat is with other wild life in forested areas. When they are gone, the birds will stay alive only if they can properly evolve. Studies have shown this is not the case.

Songbirds are an essential part of the Boreal and tropical forest ecosystems and cannot continue to decline in population due to the need of sun-grown coffee. Due to the over-demand in America, the lives of these songbirds are in danger, as well as the health of the forests they live in and migrate to. To help preserve the bird’s lives and the health of our forests, it is important to understand the roles these birds play in the ecosystems they live in and understand that deforestation is not an essential step in growing coffee. We must stop the deforestation for these crops and continue educating people on the alternatives. Growing coffee in shaded areas of the forests cannot only save the forests and the birds; it can produce better tasting coffee as well.

My waking thoughts

2007-04-19T11:10:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is 4/20. In addition to being associated with smoking some yummy cannibis (*cheers*)it is also the day assoiated with being booted from the military a long five years ago. I always think back to the people I left behind on that day. I love love LOVED! the friends I made. It was hard leaving everyone behind. I didn't want to miss out on all the fun that was left to be had. Leaving you guys (Heather, Shaun, Tara... okay Guat and Mindy too) was the hardest thing I ever had to get over. I had no idea how attached I had become to all of you. It's funny that the friends I made in school, the ones I spent 9 years going to school with are non-existant in my life, but the ones I spent such a small amount of time with ended up being the ones I would keep in contact with forever. The bond that I had made with you guys was so strong, it still to this day affects my marriage. At first, I couldn't stop talking about you, referring to my Monterey days in every conversation, ("Well when I was in Monterey Heather said that exact thing, and this is what happened...."). It got old to everyone else quick but not to me. I still take out my scrapbook and stare at the old photos. We were crazy! When we took Heather's meds and all got sick at California Adventure, the crazy Guat driver, field trips to Krispy Kreme and all the other places we'd drive out of our way to go eat at. I found a video I had recorded on my last night in the USAF with Shaun and Heather singing RENT songs. It made me all teary. It also had our cheesy song contest from the May B-day bash when Petronio, Paganucci and Moran drove down to party with us at the Crazy Horse. Such dorks but still funny as ever.

So my point, I miss those days. I don't understand why they couldn't last forever and if I ever have the chance again for all of us to live together and BS like we used to, I think I'd be in heaven. My poor husband doesn't stand a chance.

A distraction from all the stress...

2007-04-18T22:43:00.000-05:00

...and for those of you who love South Park.

Latter Days...

2007-04-18T22:32:00.000-05:00

Ok, I just watched this movie Latter Days - surprisingly it was recommended to me by a friend.

I have never experienced anything like this in my movie watching history. Never before have so many average-quality elements joined forces to become a complete and total crap film.

The story takes place in Los Angeles. A Mormon kid from Idaho moves there to do his mission. His studly gay neighbor and his 21 year-old friends make a bet that he can't convert the Mormon. Of course, he doesn't convert the kid - he was already gay- he just never had the temptation so available before. They get caught kissing. The Mormon gets sent home and excommunicated from the church. His family freaks out on him, he tries to kill himself, and he ends up in some institution.

Sound dramatic? It isn't, I swear. I am sure this movie started out better than most. It started as a really brilliant idea for a film. Then as movie-making goes, somehow they end up with a hollow shell of what the film was meant to be.

This movie was completely flat. There were no ups and downs. ______________________ yeah just like that line... and this line __________________________________

Here's me watching Latter Days ------------------------------*--------- that dot in the middle... Was that something dramatic happening in the movie? No. that was my bathroom break.

I have a few choice words to the producers and directors of this movie:

1. GLYCERIN - Seriously. If you made the absolutely stupid choice of hiring a bunch of so-so actors, and you get a so-so script, the next move is not to force a moment where there is no moment. I am just guessing of course, but the script probably said cry at various times (bad script). Or another possibility, the director felt as though several scenes in the movie would not be complete without a big cry. Get Real! The human condition makes us able to show our emotions in an infinite number of ways. If you have a bunch of actors who can't cry when you think they should, then trust them to make their own choices about their character's emotions can be shown through movement (that's called acting by the way). And if you absolutely can not see the scene happen without the cry - a little glycerin never hurt anyone.

2. BLOCKING - was the grip drunk? How hard is it to put tape on the ground and make sure people hit their marks? The cinematography in this movie was amateurish. One shot (i counted only one i swear) was a beautiful one. One little gem buried in a poo pie. It was the scene where Christian is trying to find out where his Mormon boy went. He starts to walk away, the elder says something, Christian turns his head and BAM. Brilliant. And then it died a quick death.

3. LIGHTING - There are more than 3 lighting techniques. I kid you not. Waaay more than 3.

To your credit Directors, I get it. I understand what you were trying to do with the lighting. You wanted to tie the lighting in with the religious theme. That's why you picked high windows and you put your flood lights outside and had the lights hit everyone's foreheads so majestically. It was not a good idea to do that for 50% of the movie. I started to wonder if anyone every thought of flipping the light switch on.

Then you had the outside light. You did pick the right gel at least - congrats.

Sheesh. Why, my friend whose name starts with B? Why this movie?

Who is being selfish here?

2007-04-18T11:19:00.000-05:00

I need some outside perspective on this:

A few weeks ago, a lot of my friends started pulling retard moves and really hurt my feelings. One in particular. Although I have dealt with those friends and decided a course of action, the hurt still sort of resonates and I have been depressed for those few weeks up until now. I didn't realize at first that my husband was being neglected and a few days ago he finally said something about it. I completely understand his need for assurance right now but I also can not give it to him. I am depressed. It is not about our relationship. No matter how hard I try to tell him it isn't about him, he won't stop trying to seek approval from me. He is making my depression, my issue, about him. It's driving me crazy. Who is being selfish here? Is it me, cause I am ignoring him (not purposely) or is it him, for making this about him? This happens every time I feel a little down, he makes it about himself, takes the attention, takes the energy, the energy I need to get through the day is all focused on him and making sure his ego is stroked. I am so tired right now of caring about things that I don't want to care about so I can just make it through the day and not get fired or kicked out of school. I figured that of anyone in the world, my husband should be the one to understand, to give me a little space to figure out what is wrong but instead he is making it worse. I just don't know who is in the wrong here. Maybe neither of us. Don't know. Tell me what you think people.

I'm in a Happy Bunny mood

2007-04-18T09:48:00.001-05:00

I admit I'm not sure how "suck a butt" ever became an insult--still, it's funny!

I'm the Green Lantern...

2007-04-17T07:14:00.000-05:00

Which super hero are you? Take this quiz to find out...

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/

By the way....

2007-04-11T17:46:00.000-05:00

That last post was one of my papers from Undergrad. I went through and corrected a few things, but the stats are from 2004.

yay

Another Rant...

2007-04-11T17:41:00.000-05:00

Telecommunications Act of 1996

Remember when cable TV meant fifty or so channels? Suddenly overnight it changed to 900, and the picture became clearer overnight as well. Many people have never heard of the Telecommunications Act of 1996 because the television networks never breathed a word of it to the American public. The Act is a nasty piece of legislation that took away a $70 billion broadcast medium from the citizens of the United States and gave it to corporations for free. News networks have an obligation, while doing business in a democracy, to report all newsworthy items of importance to the lives of the American people. The networks did not report the Act because they were some of the biggest beneficiaries of it.

The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) is the watchdog for all the communications media, whose only responsibility is to the citizens. They too were responsible for the Telecommunications Act of 1996.

Competition of any kind in a free market in important, however the Act is being used by big corporations - not to foster competition - but to lessen it. According to the FCC’s statement from October of 2000 regarding the Telecommunications Act, “the FCC is taking actions to foster telecommunications competition and consumer choice in multiple tenant environments,” (FCC para.1). The FCC went on to say that “while the adopted measures will help to significantly advance competition and customer choice, they may well be insufficient in themselves to secure a full measure of choice for businesses,” (FCC para. 4). The news release did not express how much of a problem competition previously was in multiple tenant environments.

An on-going debate is the FCC’s 35 percent rule. The rule states that no single network can own so many individual television stations that they collectively reach more than 35 percent of the U.S. television audience. Prior to 1996, this rule was known as the 25 percent rule. Both Viacom and News Corp. are in violation of the 35% cap and have yet to sell off any of their stations.

Vivendi Universal (Europe’s answer to AOL Time Warner), is the colossus of privatized water industry, from Puerto Rico to the United Kingdom. In 2000, Vivendi merged with media company Seagram, doing this integrated them with film, music, and mobile phones. Vivendi now owns Universal Music Group, which has a 22 percent share of the global music market and include labels like Polygram and Motown. In addition, Vivendi owns Havas, a company which consists of 60 publishing houses selling 80 million books and 40 million CD-ROMs a year. They own five “Universal Studio Experiences” theme parks from Barcelona to Beijing. Universal Studios, part of Vivendi, has networks and cinemas across the world (mediachannel.org chart).

Many of us have seen the magazine inserts advertising 11 CDs for one penny from BMG. They can afford to do this with BMG’s enormous revenue. BMG stands for Bertelsmann Music Group, and they took in $16.3 billion in 2000. BMG owns 200 music labels worldwide. Bertelsmann also owns many online ventures including Lycos and Barnes & Noble.com. In television they own RTL network, they have 22 television stations and 18 radio stations in 10 countries and they are Europe’s biggest broadcasting corporation. Bertelsmann is also the world’s biggest publisher, with Random House shifting over a million books a day in the United States alone. They own 80 magazines, UK’s channel 5, consumer databases, call centers, and they have Adidas as a client. An interesting fact about Bertelsmann is that “they were a major printer of Nazi material during the ‘Third Reich’,” (mediachannel.org chart).

Wondering how far corporate influence can go? Just look at Celebration, Florida. This town is planned and owned by Disney, “which regulates everything from who can move in, to the height of the residents’ hedges” (mediachannel.org chart). Disney’s revenue topped out at $23.4 billion in 2000. Disney owns 10 television stations, 29 radio stations, and a major network – ABC. The Walt Disney Company has several film studios including: Touchstone, Miramax, Buena Vista, and four others. Their cable networks broadcast the Disney channel in 8 countries and ESPN in over 165 countries. Not only does Disney have rights to many Broadway theatrical productions, but they also have five magazine publishing groups, four newspapers, 18 online ventures, 6 music labels, several hockey and baseball teams, 27 hotels, 2 cruise ships, many theme parks, and 720 Disney Stores. This kind of monopolizing seriously affects the public’s ability to get information. For example, “[i]n 1998 ABC news discarded an investigative report that raised embarrassing questions about hiring and safety practices at Disney World,” (mediachannel.org chart).

AOL Time Warner is perhaps the largest among the four U.S. media giants, with revenues upwards of $32 billion. They have 12 television companies including Warner Brothers and 29 cable operations including CNN. AOL also has partnered with Time Warner Cable with 13 million customers in the United States. AOL controls Time, Fortune, and 33 other magazines with 120 million readers. They also own the entire Turner Entertainment Corporation. AOL has 27 million subscribers who spend most of their time on AOL alone. AOL only has companies available for their consumers that are owned by AOL Time Warner (mediachannel.org chart). This is called a synergy. An example of this is, when a customer signs onto their AOL account to access the internet, they will only be able to view sites that have business connections to AOL.

When a person turns on their television in the United States, they have four choices: Viacom, AOL Time Warner, Disney, or News Corporation. Most Americans believe they have over 900 choices available because they see 900 channels. In fact, alls 900 channels are owned by these 4 companies. Never has so much media been controlled by so few.

Prior to the Telecommunications Act of 1996, the FCC limited the number of channels one company could broadcast from. No company could have more than 12. Now not only do corporations have many more than 12, but they can also buy small percentages of each other’s channels. In essence, this makes them one-voice, with one interest, and discourages competition. Competition brings down prices for consumers and acts as a system of checks and balances. In the words of Senator Bob Dole of Kansas, “apparently the democratic process is not good enough for most broadcasters,” he said during his speech against the Telecommunications Act (turnoffyourtv.com para.6). He was a surprising opponent, but unfortunately none of his speech was broadcast. He also said, “TV broadcasters are now running ads and so-called public service announcements claiming that TV will die without this huge corporate welfare program (referring to the Telecommunications Act),” (turnoffyourtv.com para.6).

The United States is a democracy of the people, by the people, and for the people. Therefore, the television and radio airwaves are meant to belong to the people. That is why our representatives in Congress used to decide who could use the media and for what purpose. That is why the FCC was created, in order to make sure the media is only being used for purposes to benefit the people and our democratic process.

The radio has an electronic spectrum that has been divided up and licensed out to broadcasters by Congress and the FCC. In the past, if someone wanted to have something broadcast over the public airwaves, they would have to get a license from the government. Licenses are typically sold at auction so that the revenue created can benefit public government programs. In addition, television has a digital spectrum that was sold in small pieces at auction, until the media corporations decided it was time for a change.

The Telecommunications Act allows corporations to own pieces of each other and buy other companies. This deregulates the industry allowing competitors to come together and create a monopoly. By the year 2000, all of the smaller broadcasters were owned by the big media conglomerates, making only six media companies in the entire world.

A handful of people now decide what is newsworthy for 220 million Americans causing an elimination of diversity on television and the public from being informed on real issues.

The digital spectrum that belonged to the people was given away. It was not even auctioned off. Experts say that had the digital spectrum been auctioned off, it would have given the people $70 billion. The corporations got the entire digital spectrum and free licenses to do with as they please. They have no responsibility to the people or to our democracy. It is extremely harmful to our society to have such a big part of communication owned by so few – who are not being regulated. If the digital spectrum belonged to the people again, it would allow for new television broadcasts that might show a more diverse opinion. The news you get on channel 7 might not be the exact same information as on channels 9 and 12. The people would regulate how much of the broadcast should be designated towards educational programming and local elections.

If candidates running for election could have free air time allotted, then they wouldn’t have to spend so much on advertising to get elected. It makes sense that politicians running for office get free air time, especially for the presidential election, because this election is important for democracy, and the people have a right to be informed. Elections should not go to the highest bidder – whoever has the most money to spend on advertising. If all the elected officials needed millions to get where they are today, then all that money must have come from somewhere. Our politicians are now obligated to their contributors, rather than their constituents they are meant to represent.

Another way the Telecommunications Act hurts democracy is by allowing the media to decide the format of the on air debates. Only Democrats and Republicans have enough money from their parties to get into a debate. Other political parties can’t afford to participate. Therefore, the public isn’t hearing from all the candidates. They aren’t being informed of all their choices. This results in an impenetrable two-party system. All of our founding fathers agreed that numerous political parties are necessary for a strong democracy.

This is a problem also in regards to free speech. Sure we can say what we want, but how many people can we reach? Not many if we can’t use the media. And if millions of Americans gathered to protest a wrongdoing, the news stations simply can choose to not cover it (Anna Nicole Smith might get higher ratings). If this sounds scary, then consider that it has already happened. Important political protests with thousands of people have occurred, and the rest of the people never heard anything about it. Is free speech just a contest of ‘whoever has the most money gets the most of their message across’? That is not what our founders had in mind. It certainly is not democratic. What kind of a choice is it if you have to get your news from CNN, MSNBC, or FOX and they all own pieces of each other and have the same interests?
This issue stretches across the whole information giving medium, not just television. After World War II, 80 % of the newspapers in the U.S. were owned by independent companies; now, only fifteen corporations own half of the newspaper business. Four giant companies own the motion picture industry.

In the book Passionate Declarations, by Howard Zinn, “In 1973 the Supreme Court decided that CBS had a right to refuse an ad placed by a group of business executives who opposed the war in Vietnam,” (Zinn pg.212). The majority said that the government should not interfere with the right of CBS to sell time to whomever it wanted. In saying that, they were approving the right of CBS to ignore concerned citizens, and the government was saying that it doesn’t feel concerned citizens have a right to the airwaves. Corporations are in control of public interest now.

In 2003, there was a public hearing in Atlanta attended by two dissident FCC commissioners and 600 concerned citizens. They assembled to register their opposition to the media consolidation was to happen on June 2nd. According to Meredith Hobbs, in her article entitled “Just Say No to Supersized Media,” Jonathan Adelstein and Michael Copps, FCC commissioners, started the meeting by saying: “We are on the eve of the most sweeping and potentially most destructive overhaul of ownership laws in the history of American broadcast,” (Hobbs para. 5). Most of the public has no idea what’s happening. Readers of the mainstream press and listeners of mainstream airwaves may have been interested in attending the hearing in Atlanta, if they’d heard about it. The hearing was only publicized in the city’s alternative weekly, and by two community radio stations (Hobbs para. 21).

In fact, the press did not cover this hearing, the only public hearing on the ownership issue. None of the networks covered this event, nor did the cable outlets, and neither did the Boston Globe, the Providence Journal, the Hartford Courant, the New York Times, the New York Daily News, the Philadelphia Inquirer, USA Today, the Baltimore Sun, the Atlanta Constitution, the Miami Herald, the Dallas Morning News, the Houston Chronicle, the Arizona Republic, the San Diego Tribune, the Portland Oregonian, the Denver Post, the Kansas City Star, the Indianapolis Star or the Detroit Free Press. The media companies don’t want the public to know about this issue because it only benefits them, and it is hurtful to the American public. With the Telecommunications Act of 1996, media giants have gotten bigger and virtually eliminated all competition.

The media promised that the Telecom Act would bring lower prices for consumers. According to a non-partisan web-site called TomPaine.com, since the Telecom Act was implemented “cable rates are up 24 percent, in-state long distance rates are up 10 percent, and Consumers Union estimates that average consumers are paying an extra $3 to $4 billion a year in line-item charges,” (tompaine.com para.1). Congress has the power to revoke the licenses that were given away to those big businesses at any time. They need to do so.

Works Cited

Hobbs, Meredith. “Just Say No to Supersized Media.” Salon.com. 29 May 2000. 29 June 2004. .

“Mergermania: The Effects of the 1996 Telecommunications Act.” Kill Your Television. 29 June 2004. .

“The McCain Letters: What They Really Mean.” TomPaine.com. 14 Jan. 2000. Project of The Institute for America’s Future. 29 June 2004. .

“Ultra Concentrated Media: Top Selling Brands.” Mediachannel.org. 2000. New Internationalist On-Line. 29 June 2004. .

United States. Federal Communications Commission. FCC Acts to Foster Telecommunications Competition and Consumer Choice in Multiple Tenant Environments. 12 Oct. 2000. 29 June 2004. .

Zinn, Howard. Passionate Declarations. New York: Harper, 2003.

The news is... interesting.

2007-04-10T17:47:00.001-05:00

I was wondering what every one thinks of the Rutgers Women's basketball team comment.

Yay Pictures...

2007-04-09T18:38:00.000-05:00

KASIE AND TARA WITH GOOFY 2002

ME AT MY GRADUATION 2006

href="http://bp1.blogger.com/_VLicJJumcgI/RhrPHwc6BeI/AAAAAAAAABk/kTky2YfQsE0/s1600-h/DSC00322.JPG">
MY CAT DANA - a.k.a "boopers"

I'm on a roll today...

2007-04-09T18:31:00.000-05:00

THIS IS ME AND SHAUN AT MY GETTING OUT OF THE MILITARY PARTY IN OCT 2003

I'm testing my computer skills...

2007-04-09T18:28:00.000-05:00

THIS IS KASIE WHEN WE WENT TO DISNEYLAND IN 2002...

This one cracks me up...

2007-04-09T18:23:00.000-05:00

This forward has been going around forever...

Have any of you received this before?

20 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity :

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is
"To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

First Day back after Spring Break...

2007-04-09T09:55:00.000-05:00

I am in the first class, on the first day back after my Spring Break. Just so everyone knows, an advertisement does not create a Contract. You can't hold the business to give you what they advertised. Wow, I am so glad I learned that.

______________

Yes, I am writing this in class. This issue has really been done to death, but that is the quintessential law school experience. Wait, the prof just said you could hold the store to their advertisement. So is it a contract? I am so confused. I will have to consult my other books at home and figure this out. Contacts class is a waste of time. I think I am doing pretty well though going on 2 and a half hours of sleep. I couldn't sleep because I have been staying up late and sleeping really late. Today is the day to realign my schedule.

______________

48 minutes left of class... I went on a movie binge yesterday. In an effort to make my boring class time more exciting, I will list these movies and my critique of them below:

SAVING FACE - This movie was a surprisingly terrific. Usually when I get a gay or lesbian movie, I prepare myself for the worst. The acting was very good, with the exception of the main character. She was attempting to get the message across that her character was anxiety ridden. She got the message across, but she did do a little to much indication. What I mean by indication is that she was forcing body language into her actions that was unnatural for what the average person would do in her situation. Her shoulders were tense and around her ears the whole time. I thought she could have done a little more with her movements and less with the shoulder tension.

The story is about a Chinese American, 20-something woman raised in Queens, New York. She is a surgeon and her mother is constantly trying to fix her up the a Chinese husband. The conflict comes in because she is gay. Of course, she is closeted because of her culture and family pressures. She meets another Chinese American woman who is a dancer and gay. They fall in love but this girl is not in the closet and gets really frustrated with the main character - Wilhemina (Wil). The movie is actually way better than it sounds. Wil's relationship with her mother transcends culture, and is a powerful vignette. I think the mother/daughter relationship is really the main theme of the movie and not the love story.

It isn't until the mother has her own problems that make her an outcast in their community that she finally comes to accept her daughter.

MILLIONS - great movie. The story is about a boy whose mom died. He becomes obsessed with the idea of saints, thinking hi mother has become a saint. He knows all the saints and sees and talks to them all the time. People think the kid is a little loony. I bag shows up filled with money. He tries to give it to the poor, but he lives in a wealthy area in England and he can't find many poor people. The kid is really adorable. He takes the people asking for donations for the homeless to Pizza Hut for lunch. This group of Mormons say they don't have material things so he gives them thousands of dollars anonymously. They go out and buy a big screen tv

The story takes place a few days before the British Pound turns into the Euro. The boy and his brother have to find a way to convert all the money into Euros without anyone being suspicious, otherwise all the money will be worthless.

The bad guy is the man who stole the money. He knows the boys found his money and he wants it back. He threatens the kid and follows him around all the time.

Cute movie - Some of the kid's obsession with saints reminds me of the movie WIDE AWAKE. Also the money change craziness is the same as it was portrayed in GOODBYE LENIN. Both of those are better movies than this, but this is still a good and heartwarming story with a lesson that money is just paper in the end.

ZOOM: ACADEMY OF SUPERHEROES - I know. I know. I like kids' movies ok? That said, stay away from this one. The story is completely unoriginal and stolen from other movies. Tim Allen is annoying and his acting was really mediocre and lacking depth. He just seemed exhausted. Courteney Cox does a pretty good job. The bottom line is that the movie is just horribly written and shouldn't have been made.

HALF NELSON - Go out and rent this movie right now! Phenomenal acting! I am a big loser at remembering characters names. The main character - the teacher, is a junkie. He is a functional junkie but he is teetering on the edge. He is an inspiring teacher for his students. He throws the curriculum out the window and teaches them as though they were in college. In one scene he talks about yin and yang and how good and evil must exist together. I think this is the theme for the whole movie.

The teacher is spiraling downward fast, and one of his students finds him smoking crack in the bathroom. She knows what he is doing because her brother is in jail for selling drugs. The movie goes into the development of their friendship. Her friendship helps him want to do better, but he is just a mess. Ultimately, it is his friendship with her that changes the girls fate in becoming a drug dealer just like her brother.

FLUSHED AWAY - if you are in the mood for a kids' cartoon movie, this isn't bad. The best thing about it I can say is that the voices and animation are top notch. The story is pretty weak, the moral being that it is better to have people in your life than be alone, or something like that. You can do better though if you are looking for a kids' cartoon. Go rent ROBOTS

A GOOD YEAR - this movie is worth renting just for the gorgeous setting. Russell Crowe can act. The spell the movie cast over me was broken when Russell Crowe and his love interest, Fanny something, said they had met when they were kids. HE IS SO OBVIOUSLY 20 YEARS OLDER THAN HER. I could slap the casting director. They show them as kids spending the summer together and they look the same age as kids.

If you try to overlook this ridiculous lie and poor judgment on the part of the CSA, it is a much better film than I expected. And the theme is one of my favorites - choosing to live and enjoy your life and all the relationships in it over being a workaholic and asshole.

MAN OF THE YEAR - I am totally biased in my assessment of this film. Robin Williams play a comedian (what a stretch) who runs for president. He accidentally actually becomes president, and tries to do the right thing. The right thing would be to give up his office because he was elected by mistake. A tough decision to make. I say I am biased because all of the politics the comedian espouses are exactly my political views 100%. AS far as the comedy, it was only so-so

______________________

Whew! I think that's all the movies I saw. If anyone has seen, or rents any of the above let me know what you think.

1 minute of class left...

For My Special Pals On Easter

2007-04-08T01:54:00.000-05:00

I'm here for you!

Wish me luck

2007-04-03T11:28:00.001-05:00

Monday night: I asked for a raise today. I asked for more hours too. It didn't start out too great. I actually told my boss this morning that I was planning on leaving for a job more related to my field of study. He told me he didn't think that was the entire reason. It actually was the main reason. The smaller reasons were the pay, the hours (or lack of), the lack of no place to be promoted to, and the schedule. I am also bored. But I decided to make the change now because we have been short on money lately. I had already planned on leaving about a year after I had been working there and it has been over a year. Anyhow, he said he thought I was lying about the reason I wanted to leave so I told him about our money issues. He flipped out and attacked me saying how I'm a liar and disrespected him and I let him down by lying. "Uh... what the f*** are you talking about!" I was, am, still confused about his point.

Tuesday lunch time: So this morning I had an interview and I did not tell my boss about it. I actually did lie this time. The interview was awesome! I have no idea if I got the job, or if I will even take it but just seeing where I stand was enough to make my day. They wanted me in the accounting department and told me I was qualified and... I don't know it just made my day okay? I am half hoping they want me, half hoping they don't. Hoping they don't cause the drive is twice my current (45 minutes), earlier hours, and I'm dreading telling my boss I'm leaving (again). Hoping I did get it because it has more hours and better scheduling and will give me much more experience than I have now. I have no idea what it pays. There goes my bosses theory that I'm financially motivated. "Dude, my HAPPINESS is my motivation. Quit telling me otherwise!"

Love how I throw that California "dude" in there, doncha?

OK must do work. Oh no word on whether I am getting a raise. Kinda don't want it anymore. Just want new jobby.

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Hello Insomnia, my old friend...

2007-04-03T00:56:00.000-05:00

Firstly, it's 1 a.m. and i have been trying to sleep since 10 p.m.

Secondly, what's up with the large number of views to our profiles? Are there seriously people other than us reading the blog?

Thirdly, Emery tried to sign on to make a post, but stupid blog thingie wouldn't let him. Never fear, I will fix it! (or Kasie cuz she's better at that stuff)

Fourthly, I changed the subheading - do y'all like it? You can change it up and make it better. I thought we should describe what the blog is for.

Finally, why can't I sleep?!

____________________________________

Hmmm...

Whenever I sign on here I feel as though I have something really brilliant to say. It's right there on the edge of my thought process. But no, there's nothing. Just your plain jane, average, run-of-the-mill words.

more words.

OK, at the risk of having this topic brought up again in mixed company, I gotta say I'm totally stressing about my hair. MY HAIR IS THINNING ON TOP!!! I just noticed this evil alien phenomenon a couple of weeks ago. You can see my scalp. WTF?! I'm 26...

Twentysix... According to the internet, which substitutes as my family physician in times of crisis or hypochondria, this hair loss could be stress related - a.k.a. law school related.

Or, it could be genetic and therefore permanent. I had one bald grandpa. No women in my family have ever had thinning hair, and they've used tons of chemicals on their hair.

If my hair doesn't come back in full force by the time finals are over, I will be forced to see a real doctor, buy rogaine, and wear a wig.

Actually I think I know where this is coming from. Rather than blame my wonderful ancestors for bad genes, I think I will blame the evil writing professor who is always a meanie. Should we call him Mr. Meanie or Hairstealer? Or, we could call him the worst thing to hit law school since the socratic method.

In case you are wondering... the answer is Yes, I do know that I sound five years old.

____________________________

I think I will try milk.

My sweet and wonderful girlfriend gave me a back massage and it totally didn't make me sleep.

i am going to try again to fall asleep,

wish me luck...

My Method for Madness

2007-03-29T20:48:00.000-05:00

Every time I hit one of my wonderful low periods, I fight it off and it goes like this:

-become a bitch
-become even bitchier
-start crying a lot
-write a letter to a close friend relaying all the details of your depression and spending hours on it
-don't send it
-tell yourself to quit being a baby,
-become a bitter bitch and repeat

Drives me insane. I drive me crazy.

I'm completely stressed right now, and my husband and I are fighting over the dog constantly, like:

"Put him in his cage."
"No I played with im all day it's your turn to entertain him."
"But I have homework, put him in his cage."
"But then he's going to cry and I can't stand his crying."
*stomp stomp stomp*
............ *minutes of silence go by............
...................................................
....................................................
.....................................................
..............."I hate you!"..........................

It's so stupid but hey I need to relieve stress and scream, it may as well be at a male. (Sorry Shaun)

I have to do homework!!!!

Butterflies, Stars, Rainbows, kittens, puppies...

2007-03-28T11:46:00.000-05:00

I really needed to put something happy and cheery on this blog because of my horribly depressing last post. Sorry about that. So, let's see... I am going to think of something happy and funny any minute...

OH! I know... This is hilarious! At least to me and my weird off-beat snarky sardonic sense of humor it is funny. My brother Tony sent this to me...
_______

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ... for now!

____________________

Melancholy and the infinite sadness...

2007-03-27T03:55:00.000-05:00

Some of you may remember that at the beginning of the semester I had a horrible meeting with my legal writing professor. Horrible because he told me I was the worst writer in the class. I cried in front of him. It was very embarrassing. Now, I am trying to get over the emotional scarring of my most recent meeting with the above mentioned soulless professor. Last week he told me my writing was the worst he'd ever seen. Constructive criticism? No, that might make him a semi-decent professor. So now, I have to rewrite this brief. I don't have the faintest idea of what I need to do to make it better. All I know is that I'm still the worst in the class. I really don't care if I'm last or first or 40th or whatever. I'd just like to know that I'm learning and improving. The professor never mentioned anything about comparing my brief to my last brief. He just wants to stack me up against everyone else, and I suppose he hopes that my competitive thirst to be #1 will motivate me to do better. Wrong.

This has just paralyzed me from trying to do any work at all. I feel like such a complete and total failure. And I shouldn't because I know I did the best job I could, and I know that I am improving. I have no idea what to do. The only thing I can think is that I will just try my best to finish this last draft of the brief. Turn it in, and hope that will be the last I hear about it. I don't even want to hear that I am doing better from this professor. The thing that would make me the most happy is if I never had to see or speak to him again.

I am really depressed lately from all this. That's why I haven't written on here much.

Why do I care what happens with the last draft? I don't have any faith that my draft will be evaluated in any style that I can respect. I don't know the magic words to put together to suddenly become a better writer. All I can do is just polish the brief the best I can. I'll just make it look pretty. So, then I have oral arguments for that same class in about a month. Then, I'm done with that class. If I fail the class, all the better because then I can retake it with another professor and maybe learn something for a change.

I just want to get past this misery.

Where is everyone?

2007-03-25T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone. Zeke and I picked up our new family member yesterday morning. He is too cute. He is still adjusting but is doing okay. In fact he's doing better than I could have hoped. Here are two pics from his first backyard romp:

Skittle is freaked out by him but Flash could care less if she existed.

That is all for now. Hope you are all happy and doing more than just surviving the day.

Like I'm in a Vise Grip...

2007-03-11T12:26:00.000-05:00

For the past week I have been bending over backwards to finish this giant paper that is 30% of my grade before it's due on Friday. I didn't make it. I turned in the unfinished product. It was really really terrible and sloppy. I was doing so much better this semester. Well, I am going to try to finish it today. I am just dreading when I have to meet with the professor to discuss the paper. Last time, he made me cry. He is a really angry man.

This sucks so much. I have to finish this stupid thing. We are halfway through the semester and I should have outlines for all my classes. I don't have a single outline. There is so much to do. I can't lose my scholarship money. I will if I don't get good grades. Whew! Ok, sorry if I'm stressing everyone out.

I will now calmly go to the library and study. My reward will be some nice mindless television later this evening....

What's going on

2007-03-08T23:22:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! It's been a while and just wanted to check in and let everyone know what is going on in my life. In a couple of days I'll be off to Japan leaving my significant other and my two dogs. In the past I was always better alone, but now I'm not too sure how I'm going to be able to do it. I'm so looking forward to some time out of this crazy nation, but at the same time I'm going to miss everything I'm accustomed to. But, while I'm in Japan and missing everything back home, my new house will slowly become a home. Yes everyone, I actually bought a house. It's being built as you read and it's making me feel older than my cracked feet. I have slowly become that guy. A house in the burbs, and on a lake no less. But I'm happy and as vibrant as ever. I hope you all are doing well. I miss you and hope to see and speak to all of you soon. The next post will be from Japan and won't be nearly as boring. I promise. BTW, here's the new puppy. Titus is the most needy and mildly mentally challenged dog I've ever dealt with. But he's just the cutest little wired hair I've ever seen. Love Always

Ok here's your update

2007-03-04T16:36:00.000-05:00

(I am playing with the background. Hope no one minds. If you hate it let me know.)

Friday was Zeke's birthday so we went out to dinner, then had a few friends over and drank a bit. I ended up getting tired from the wine and passed the heck out.

Saturday, we had a barbeque. We droped like 250-300 dollars on this party and 50% of the people didn't show up. We have extreme left overs, lots of meat but luckily all the alcohol is gone. I don't know what we would have done with all that beer. The party actually turned out awesome. I don't know if it was really that great though. I could just be misconstruing it cause I was totally hammered, (yay beer pong) but Zeke says he had fun. That's all that matters I guess, since it was his birthday.

Want to see pictures, click here.

For my birthday we are throwing a cinco de mayo costume party. Since my b-day is on a Tuesday, figured Saturday was the best day to do it. It's totally far away but I'm excited to see what people wear. I'm thinking sombrero, poncho and cowboy boots. We are going to have a pinata ha! Like little kids. "YESSSS" (napoleon dynomite)

Ah crap what else? I've been saying crap way too much lately. I was thinking of switching to God Damn instead. What you think? (totally kidding btw)

Um, puppy is still 20 days away from coming home. Here is a picture for you people who like animals... and you all should! God damn!

I think I'm done updating.

Re: Party Hardy

2007-03-02T00:55:00.000-05:00

What party?

_____________________

Hello everybody...

I have been working hard at school stuff. I am so BORING lately.

I have more to say, but i am just soooo tired

tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow

;)

how is everyone? Fill me in with the news of late

Party Hardy

2007-02-28T10:29:00.000-05:00

Heather, how did the party go?

Kasie you smarty pants!

2007-02-26T21:35:00.000-05:00

Kasie,

How'd you get a picture on your profile? I never figured out how to do it.

You are so smart about technology stuff

My wow experience...

2007-02-25T14:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went to this Rebellious Lawyering conference at Yale Law School. I went looking for something that would help me remember why I want to become a lawyer. It has been a difficult school year, reading cases about rich people and their ridiculous arguments which cost lots of money to them and our justice system. How does it further our democratic process by allowing one rich person to have 20 lawyers to sue his best friend for calling him an idiot, while 80 percent of the population who have real legal issues of housing discrimination and violence against them get no legal representation. They are shut out of our system - just like Karl Llewellyn said in the Bramble Bush

The first speaking event was about whistle blowers in the US government and how we need them to support our democratic process. It was nice to listen to people fighting for protection of our values and not trying to make a buck like other lawyers. But what they said about our biased media destroying our democracy and turning us away from the idea of freedom of speech - well I already knew all that.

The last speaking event I went to was about human trafficking and immigration policy. There were 3 speakers. One was a law professor, and I vomited a little in my mouth. I already f-ing spend 5 days a week listening to law professors. And, just as suspected, his speech was void of passion, enthusiasm, and optimism. The speech was completely self-serving and half-assed. Another speaker was a practicing attorney, and her speech was informative, but lacking empathy for the human lives she was talking about. So I sat through these annoyances and thought of my own ideas on immigration policy. Finally, there was a speaker from the U.N. - he was amazing. Some of the statements he made were profound and so right on! He said "democracies don't build fences, totalitarian governments do..." I loved it. I love the UN even more than I did before. His English was perfect but he didn't pronounce some words in an American accent so the law professor rolled his eyes. Prick.

Ok, last but certainly not least is the speaking event i went to on anarchist lawyering. I was in utter shock and amazement over the message of the speech. I came looking for something at that conference and i found it at the anarchist lawyer speech. The attorney was everything I wanted to be and everything I wanted to do. She was a living breathing example of possibility for me. It is possible to make it through law school without being transformed into a corporate loving, war mongering, greedy, soulless shell of a human being. It is possible to use your legal education to affect change and do what you love. It is possible to survive financially and not have to sell out by crossing over to the other side of the picket line. I love her! I almost started crying from this hour of validation and inspiration I received. I did cry later. It was the same kind of choked up I get when I know I am on the path I was meant to be on and I get shivers. So I emerged from Yale Law School with a new found commitment and resolve...

It's been awhile...

2007-02-23T16:49:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in awhile so I thought I would catch up. I have been sooo tired lately. Since I have gotten over my cold I haven't felt like doing anything. So I just got home from school and I am sitting here watching TV and on the Blog. I am going to see the Vagina Monologues tonight. Has anyone seen it? I might take a nap until then.

______________________________________

Kasie,
you shouldn't let that girl bother you. You are so much better than her. She is obviously dumb and stupid. If u like that chic on American Idol then that's your choice, nobody else's. You don't have to make any excuses or explain anything to her. Or you should tell her that girl on American Idol is your cousin and you told her what your co-worker said so she is coming to your work to kick her ass

haha

All Theory and No Practice

2007-02-23T11:09:00.000-05:00

Maaaan, someone offended me yesterday and it kept me up for a bit last night. It was over something stupid, but I think my reasoning was valid and this girl has a history of stupid comments.

I don't know whether to give you history or the story first so hopefully I don't bore anyone with details. I'll start with the story:

Yesterday I was conversating with someone about American Idol. There is a female vocalist on there named Antonella. I like her but this girl, this friend I will call Renae, does not. She sent me a link and said "Boy did I peg this girl as a slut."

So I open up this link; the pictures were not anything bad. She was dancing with another girl on one and the other pic was of like 6 girls on a nude beach all covering their tops for a photo. Nothing I wouldn't have done and nothing I would have felt guilty about later in life. So I was like wtf??

You are probably like "uh Kasie you're over reacting" but here is why I am mad: this girl has absolutely noooo life experience whatsoever. She got married in high school at 17 yrs old, has never held a job, never done a drug, never lived on her own, never paid a bill. She grew up in a small unknown town in one of those states that you only drive through on the way to another one and prob 80% of the families there are Mormon. She's not even 21 yet. I got really offended. This one person on TV, who is probably way more innocent than me, is being judged by this snobby little girl with absolutely no idea what she is talking about. It was like she was judging me at the same time. Totally pissed me off, I wanted to tell her she had no room to judge her unless she had been in her shoes.

I didn't do anything. I just kept quiet at first then tried to sway her opinion by saying things like "maybe she is just easily influenced by her friends." I also tried to say I had been through an experience where I had been judged unfairly and Renae just laughed at me and totally brushed me off. I dropped it cause it really wasn't worth arguing over and I figured since she is pretty clueless with a lot of things that I shouldn't expect her to be any different in this area.

TOTAL SNOB. Thing is, I do like Renae. She means well and she cracks me up sometimes. We are just totally different people and she offends me with her "I've never made a mistake" demeanor. Makes me want to punch her in the face.

She's all theory and no practice.

boo on technology...

2007-02-21T22:54:00.001-05:00

I can't figure out how to add pictures to this thing. I wanted to add a photo to my profile. whatever