Seriously Depressed

For weeks now I've been pushing away the thought that I might be seriously depressed. I thought I was just unhappy with my marriage, or that I was going through an identity crisis while adjusting to being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom)... OR that I was overly stressed due to all the stuff that is going on with us moving. I finally let it sink in tonight I'm very depressed. I keep fighting with hubby. I keep talking about quitting school (I have 4 classes left after this current one). I keep thinking everyone hates me and is thinking the worst of me. I want to quit everything. Absolutely everything. I want to run away and go in to hiding. Make people think I died so they won't come looking for me. (I got this idea from Into the Wild, which BTW I think you should all see, especially if you've ever wanted to be a hippy or traveling vagabond)

So this is how I feel:
confused
out of control
foggy
hopeless
angry
tired... but then i cant sleep
uninterested in the usual, but incredibly interested in random subjects for all of 5 minutes (totally ADD here)
can't focus
I want to shop. A lot. I want to buy things and come up with new things to buy every day. All in an attempt to find something to distract myself from whatever it is I didn't know I needed distracting from.

Okay so I hope I didn't scare anyone off.

I am calling the doctor tomorrow. I told Zeke I want drugs. I am desperate to feel better. He thinks I should talk to someone. I told him, I don't need to talk to someone cause it's not like I need therapy. I just want the foggy, confusion crap to go away. It's not like I went through something traumatic and need help getting over it. I just want drugs. Gimme drugs.

It's funny I used to be against drugs for myself (mood enhancers er w/e they're called). I always thought I could work through whatever it is but I am so desperate right now to feel better that I completely changed my personal morals. GIVE ME DRUGS. NOW.

Hello my long lost peeps...

So... for those that haven't made it into the loop yet... I have a girlfriend. She is gorgeous and amazing :) and lives far away :(

I just got back from spending Spring Break with her and I miss her so much. Ah! It sucks. But at the same time, I am so totally in love and she makes me smile all the time.

That's the news... I have 43 days until I am finished with my second year of law school. It blows. Nobody should go to law school, unless I start my own law school.

By the way, did you see there is a TV show called quarter life crisis? They are totally copying us. If I studied more, I might know what we can do about that.