My Method for Madness

Every time I hit one of my wonderful low periods, I fight it off and it goes like this:

-become a bitch
-become even bitchier
-start crying a lot
-write a letter to a close friend relaying all the details of your depression and spending hours on it
-don't send it
-tell yourself to quit being a baby,
-become a bitter bitch and repeat

Drives me insane. I drive me crazy.

I'm completely stressed right now, and my husband and I are fighting over the dog constantly, like:

"Put him in his cage."
"No I played with im all day it's your turn to entertain him."
"But I have homework, put him in his cage."
"But then he's going to cry and I can't stand his crying."
*stomp stomp stomp*
............ *minutes of silence go by............
...................................................
....................................................
.....................................................
..............."I hate you!"..........................

It's so stupid but hey I need to relieve stress and scream, it may as well be at a male. (Sorry Shaun)

I have to do homework!!!!

Butterflies, Stars, Rainbows, kittens, puppies...

I really needed to put something happy and cheery on this blog because of my horribly depressing last post. Sorry about that. So, let's see... I am going to think of something happy and funny any minute...

OH! I know... This is hilarious! At least to me and my weird off-beat snarky sardonic sense of humor it is funny. My brother Tony sent this to me...
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Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:

Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe ... for now!

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Melancholy and the infinite sadness...

Some of you may remember that at the beginning of the semester I had a horrible meeting with my legal writing professor. Horrible because he told me I was the worst writer in the class. I cried in front of him. It was very embarrassing. Now, I am trying to get over the emotional scarring of my most recent meeting with the above mentioned soulless professor. Last week he told me my writing was the worst he'd ever seen. Constructive criticism? No, that might make him a semi-decent professor. So now, I have to rewrite this brief. I don't have the faintest idea of what I need to do to make it better. All I know is that I'm still the worst in the class. I really don't care if I'm last or first or 40th or whatever. I'd just like to know that I'm learning and improving. The professor never mentioned anything about comparing my brief to my last brief. He just wants to stack me up against everyone else, and I suppose he hopes that my competitive thirst to be #1 will motivate me to do better. Wrong.

This has just paralyzed me from trying to do any work at all. I feel like such a complete and total failure. And I shouldn't because I know I did the best job I could, and I know that I am improving. I have no idea what to do. The only thing I can think is that I will just try my best to finish this last draft of the brief. Turn it in, and hope that will be the last I hear about it. I don't even want to hear that I am doing better from this professor. The thing that would make me the most happy is if I never had to see or speak to him again.

I am really depressed lately from all this. That's why I haven't written on here much.

Why do I care what happens with the last draft? I don't have any faith that my draft will be evaluated in any style that I can respect. I don't know the magic words to put together to suddenly become a better writer. All I can do is just polish the brief the best I can. I'll just make it look pretty. So, then I have oral arguments for that same class in about a month. Then, I'm done with that class. If I fail the class, all the better because then I can retake it with another professor and maybe learn something for a change.

I just want to get past this misery.

Where is everyone?

Hello everyone. Zeke and I picked up our new family member yesterday morning. He is too cute. He is still adjusting but is doing okay. In fact he's doing better than I could have hoped. Here are two pics from his first backyard romp:





Skittle is freaked out by him but Flash could care less if she existed.

That is all for now. Hope you are all happy and doing more than just surviving the day.

Like I'm in a Vise Grip...

For the past week I have been bending over backwards to finish this giant paper that is 30% of my grade before it's due on Friday. I didn't make it. I turned in the unfinished product. It was really really terrible and sloppy. I was doing so much better this semester. Well, I am going to try to finish it today. I am just dreading when I have to meet with the professor to discuss the paper. Last time, he made me cry. He is a really angry man.

This sucks so much. I have to finish this stupid thing. We are halfway through the semester and I should have outlines for all my classes. I don't have a single outline. There is so much to do. I can't lose my scholarship money. I will if I don't get good grades. Whew! Ok, sorry if I'm stressing everyone out.

I will now calmly go to the library and study. My reward will be some nice mindless television later this evening....

What's going on

Hello everyone! It's been a while and just wanted to check in and let everyone know what is going on in my life. In a couple of days I'll be off to Japan leaving my significant other and my two dogs. In the past I was always better alone, but now I'm not too sure how I'm going to be able to do it. I'm so looking forward to some time out of this crazy nation, but at the same time I'm going to miss everything I'm accustomed to. But, while I'm in Japan and missing everything back home, my new house will slowly become a home. Yes everyone, I actually bought a house. It's being built as you read and it's making me feel older than my cracked feet. I have slowly become that guy. A house in the burbs, and on a lake no less. But I'm happy and as vibrant as ever. I hope you all are doing well. I miss you and hope to see and speak to all of you soon. The next post will be from Japan and won't be nearly as boring. I promise. BTW, here's the new puppy. Titus is the most needy and mildly mentally challenged dog I've ever dealt with. But he's just the cutest little wired hair I've ever seen. Love Always

Ok here's your update

(I am playing with the background. Hope no one minds. If you hate it let me know.)

Friday was Zeke's birthday so we went out to dinner, then had a few friends over and drank a bit. I ended up getting tired from the wine and passed the heck out.

Saturday, we had a barbeque. We droped like 250-300 dollars on this party and 50% of the people didn't show up. We have extreme left overs, lots of meat but luckily all the alcohol is gone. I don't know what we would have done with all that beer. The party actually turned out awesome. I don't know if it was really that great though. I could just be misconstruing it cause I was totally hammered, (yay beer pong) but Zeke says he had fun. That's all that matters I guess, since it was his birthday.

Want to see pictures, click here.

For my birthday we are throwing a cinco de mayo costume party. Since my b-day is on a Tuesday, figured Saturday was the best day to do it. It's totally far away but I'm excited to see what people wear. I'm thinking sombrero, poncho and cowboy boots. We are going to have a pinata ha! Like little kids. "YESSSS" (napoleon dynomite)

Ah crap what else? I've been saying crap way too much lately. I was thinking of switching to God Damn instead. What you think? (totally kidding btw)

Um, puppy is still 20 days away from coming home. Here is a picture for you people who like animals... and you all should! God damn!



I think I'm done updating.

Re: Party Hardy

What party?

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Hello everybody...

I have been working hard at school stuff. I am so BORING lately.

I have more to say, but i am just soooo tired

tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow

;)

how is everyone? Fill me in with the news of late